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Destro

Father's Day

Posted on 2015.06.22 at 10:15
Current Location: 67114
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For reasons which probably have to do with generational differences (or early communal bonding) and very likely children and children's children having been similarly indoctrinated without ever questioning how or why ancient rituals exist or may change over time, many people seem genuinely vested in symbolic sociological constructs; holidays. Despite the best efforts of my own parents (and parent's parents), I am not. In fact I'm not emotionally involved in any time, date, or duration events at all. I don't "feel" more or less strongly about elusive things on or around the dates the disaster/celebration occurred any more or any less than any other time. This broadly applies to births, deaths, marriages, divorces, world wars, civil wars, domestic disputes, and to reiterate, all holidays.

In simplest terms, I don't care. Society creates meaning from things. From symbols and from events. And to some, its a highly charged, emotional attachment - either because they really do feel more strongly, or they have been programmed to. This is why so many people seem to have highly stressful holidays. Presumably these same people adhere to rigid, unyielding expectations for acceptable holiday behavior, which helps fuel this cycle of insanity. I find it fascinating from a distance, as I hope to never become involved in someone else's personal drama over something as inconsequential and benign as a holiday. These symbolic societal constructs don't create emotional instability, they simply focus it.

I suppose a lot of my indifference is where I get my self-worth. It absolutely does not come from external things. Capitalistic marketing loves our perceived inadequacy, however; exploits it! Take a look at Freud's 12 defense mechanisms and see how many could be applied to [a family holiday for example]. For those who are self-aware, compare them now to our own behavior. Where are we on the locus of control chart? If I had to guess, those of us who are not emotionally vested in artificial symbols of meaning tend to create our own destiny - and speaking from personal experience in case anyone was wondering, that one is the awesome one, not the other.

But I did pick up a bag of smoking pellets for my Traeger on sale. So that's cool.

Comments:


suzanne1945
suzanne1945 at 2015-06-22 15:54 (UTC) (Link)
Amen, brother. I was raised with holidays being grand events, but my husband seemingly had an aversion to forced celebrations. In his case, it was because holidays were always hyped before hand to be some fabulous spectacle and they never reached those heights. Therefore, holidays became a source of disappointment. I gradually began to see his view that celebrations should be because of something of the moment, not because of a date. When I received a gift from him, it was because he saw something that he thought I'd like, not because he felt obligated by a date. Now I find so many social expectations very odd. One being trips to the cemetery on assigned days to remember those that have passed. My memorials are made by remembering that person on daily or weekly remembrances. So while we got to this place from entirely different life experiences, it's nice to hear that someone else finds these "symbolic sociological constructs" meaningless.
ehowton
ehowton at 2015-06-22 16:02 (UTC) (Link)
I kinda do the same thing to my own children. I describe future events as being SUPERFANTASTIC IN EVERY IMAGINABLE WAY POSSIBLE! When it fails to live up to their expectations, I look upon their little disappointed visages and explain to them it is our job to make them such - not the event itself.

Its true it doesn't work all the time, but it does get them out of the house on occasion (I'm not above lying to them, apparently), and hopefully teaches them we are responsible for our own enjoyment of forced activities. Time will tell, I suppose!

But I am absolutely with you on the gift-giving :)

Edited at 2015-06-22 06:15 pm (UTC)
Michelle1963
michelle1963 at 2015-06-22 16:38 (UTC) (Link)
^^^^ What suzanne1945 said.

Edited at 2015-06-22 04:38 pm (UTC)
Angel of Def, with my rhymes against humanity.
homunculus at 2015-06-22 16:57 (UTC) (Link)
idk, i like any excuse for celebration, but i refuse to be forced around people who don't care about me. i started to hate my birthday, because these people made it seem like a burden, but i'm starting to reclaim it by doing something i want to do instead.

i also hate surprises, so before any holidays where i was going to get someone a gift, i'd ask them straight out what they wanted. i preferred if they did the same, as to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings. people said it spoiled the surprise, but i'd rather get someone something they actually wanted than disappoint them further.

my bf doesn't celebrate his birthday, but i ask him to pick something he wants to do, and we do it, because i want to celebrate him.
ehowton
ehowton at 2015-06-23 02:59 (UTC) (Link)
Sounds like a solid working solution.
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