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Posted on 2007.04.16 at 22:00


leonardii at 2007-05-26 04:42 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Pogonotrophy:

But putting the niceties aside... you would not believe what has been keeping me out of the loop. It's much too long of a bullshit story to reply here... I think I should just write my entire story in my own journal - perhaps it would be cathartic, if not downright purely psychologically medicinal.

You would not believe how knee deep I am in bullshit right now. I mean, it's deep - very deep.

I'm sorry - so very sorry from not keeping in touch. My nerves are wracked, I have been a mess for many weeks... I just don't know what to do.

Sometimes I feel very confident - and I feel good, I feel justice will prevail, and I feel everything will be fine.

Other times - I'm at the point of a nervous breakdown. A true mental breakdown. Sometimes I'm shaking for hours - other times - like I said, I feel fine and I feel I shall be truly vindicated when the times comes.

But it's those times that I'm a nervous wreck that keep me from posting... or even giving a reply. It has kept me away from the computer. For a few days at a time, I go without checking my email or even looking at the internet. This of course is a true sign that I am really suffering. For if I go one day without plugging in - I know something very deep inside in wrong. And sometimes I just cannot move - I'm paralyzed.

I will write about it... but right now I'm again in crisis mode - and I'm feeling weak, I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, and I just cannot do anything.

Please my friend - forgive me.
ehowton at 2007-05-26 12:35 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Pogonotrophy:

Please my friend - forgive me.
Always assume I will, and I don't mean to put any real pressure on you - just playfully enjoying every time you pop up.

I think I should just write my entire story in my own journal - perhaps it would be cathartic, if not downright purely psychologically medicinal.
For all the reasons you listed, above, it sounds like a good idea. But for many reasons you listed later, it sounds too tiring, as well. Get your rest first. When you're ready again, you can tell us about it.

Other times - I'm at the point of a nervous breakdown.
You're suffering unique and unpleasant hardships. I don't know how the story will end, but I do know you, and my money's on your eventual success.

For if I go one day without plugging in...
The Matrix has you now.
leonardii at 2007-05-26 14:04 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Pogonotrophy:

The Matrix has you now.
"Ignorance is bliss. I don't want to remember nothin' NOTHING! And I want to be rich - y'know, somebody important... like an actor."

Wait a minute - scratch that last part. I think [most] actors are the most overpaid blight of our great American society. They spend millions on garbage, $250,000 outfits that can be worn only once, and they live such a ridiculously pampered lifestyle while other people IN AMERICA and all over the world are slowly starving to death in squalor, extreme poverty, and living in perpetual government bullshit bureaucracy (I'm talking about wounded veterans).

I would love to see their faces as they take a tour with me through the Dallas VA - seeing men who defended their liberty by giving up useful body parts. They spend hours of their very un-pampered days just waiting in line to see a doctor who can try and help rid their lives of a little pain. Actors have doctors at their beck and call to remove every blemish, wrinkle, and otherwise normal signs of the aging process. They polish their teeth to a blinding, unnatural white - and they have personal chefs, trainers, dog walkers, maids, nannies, a person to hand them a pen, another person to take the pen from their hand, a person to wash each other their precious toes and fingers. It's just sickening.

Sorry... needed to vent a little there. Venting is good.

No my friend, the Matrix does not have hold of me yet. I still see reality through mine own eyes and my own self consciousness.

I believe that many actors were real, common people at one point. What happens after they get on the Big Screen. Is there some kind of "Stepford Actor's" society that changes them into self-worshiping robots?

Oh, the humanity I see everyday. And live through it. Yes, we have to survive, we have to move on. We manage.

"We are such stuff
As dreams are made on and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep..."

--From The Tempest (IV, i, 156-157)
leonardii at 2007-05-26 14:06 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Pogonotrophy:

And thank you for all the kind words... they touch my heart. Truly, they do.
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