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Hyperdrive

Circumvention

Posted on 2007.04.16 at 22:00

Comments:


Renegade
leonardii at 2007-06-06 01:02 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Nick-names

I have too much armor to penetrate before you can get into my "soft underbelly."

If I could only explain the life I have lived - you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

All I can say is that it has been very rough indeed. From growing up extremely poor, due to an army injury in 1992 that left me with two ruptured disks in my back since I was 21 - which left me 100% disabled by army standards since 2003, to having nearly lost my home, going through bankruptcy... and generally just a hard life.

So - I will admit, in some aspects I am very naive. In others - I am the master as I have seen evils that would terrorize and paralyze others.

Otherwise - I keep my persona happy and outgoing, jolly, gregarious, charming, and full of self control. But remember - the persona is how I want the world to see me... it is not my "true" inner self. There is a big difference which I hide from the rest of the world.

But by all means - please be yourself... and I enjoy sharp wit and a sharp toungue. Both are amusing and keep me smiling. :)
snapper521 at 2007-06-07 16:55 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Nick-names

Sharp tongues and whits: *pleased smile* Good! I have yet another person to "beat up on"! :-D Like I told Goot, I enjoy having friends to banter with, who I know are mature enough to handle the repulsive remarks I throw at them. ;-)

Soft underbelly: Meh. Spoken like an experienced shadow game player.

I am similar to you in the fact that I don't show much of my "true" self on here very often, however there will be times.

And -- as a forewarning: You, as my friend, will have to be deserning enough to understand that there WILL be times, when I am an emotional wreck and therefore am not stable enough to handle whatever jab or critical point of view you have to offer. Tomas has become quite good at it I think, he hasn't slipped up and whacked me up side the head because of his insensitivity for quite some time.

Your unbelievable life: My mentor, has had an unbelievable life. So, truly, it wouldn't take much of a stretch of the imagination to believe you. Besides the simple fact that what purpose would you have to lie to me? Therefore I must believe that you would tell the truth since it would serve no known purpose to lie. :-)

I have never been to the doctor for my back injury, but I have had one since I was 12. It was due to lifting things, which were twice my weight, and doing a man's job because the man who was supposed to do it, was lazy and made me do it.

My parents came so close to filing bankruptcy that we were literally living on pennies a day for two years.

Both things were caused by the same man. Tom H.

So I can most certainly relate to those portions of your life.

I have never nearly been put out on the street, since our house is owned by my great-grandma and she certainly wasn't going to throw us out because of missing the rent for 3 yrs... :-P

I can understand the persona. :-) I've had to "play a part" before, to hide how it truly is. Even though they came that close to bankruptcy, no one knew it except for our closest friends, family and the two people who helped us out from church.

I am always myself, just not TOTALLY myself. If I don't keep a portion of myself in who I "come off to be", then I end up in a tangled web of lies. :-) You can imagine.
Renegade
leonardii at 2007-06-08 03:34 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Nick-names

Persona is a tricky think. We expect that others are giving us their persona (and leaving out, or at least mostly hiding their true inner self), when in fact - they just might be showing more of their true side of their nature than we know!!

But therein lays the trap of when people write dialogs/posts/or whatever they say in their personal blogs which when they write their own words on their personal site, or when they retort or respond to others. Which part of what did they say was persona, and which part was their actual true self? It's not like anybody announce: OK, everybody pay attention now... this is my true self speaking. But, we must constantly read the persons responses - and if we can read between the lines well enough, then we can at least start to perceive part of that inner self that inadvertently always slips through the cracks in the dialog.

It sounds like you've been through some tough times - so you know the side of poverty, so at lest you know what the true feeling of what being truly poor feels like. I don't know who Tom H. is... but whoever he is or whatever he has done, he's certainly left an indelible mark upon you.

And no, very rarely and very seldom do I tell outright lies. I may leave out certain truths when I feel it's necessary, but I do not try nor do I want to just come right out and say false things about my life.

So - perhaps we will understand each other better than when we first realized.

snapper521 at 2007-06-08 22:49 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Tom H.

Thomas C. Howe is my dads cousin. He's about 20-22yrs older then me. And is the lowest, slimiest, lying prick of a male human I have ever had the misfortune of meeting/getting to know.

Back when I was 12/13 my parents went into business with him, thinking that they could pull him out of the gutter he has always resided in since they have had quite a bit of financial success.

(They own and opperate a trucking company, hauling canned milk for the Amish. The milk is taken from the amish farms to a factory where it's made into cheese. The cheese is then sold to the tourists and so forth.)

Anyway... back to my story now that you have a bit of background.

When he first came into my life, he was about 32, and discusting. My first impression, was "he is dangerous, don't trust him" this, was the child in me speaking. I was still enough of a child to listen to my instincts. And -- they were screaming red alert. For quite awhile, I listened to my instincts and stayed as far away from him as I could, but then I let my guard down because my mom took me by the ear and said "Look, he's gonna be around for awhile, get used to it, and be nice." So I did. I tried to be nice, and in doing so allowed my guard to get put down.

About this time, he got a girlfriend, and started to openly drink a lot more. His girlfriend had/has 3 children, one girl and two boys. Now, I believe that Cassie had those two abortions not because she was a slut and sleeping around at school, but because Tom raped her.

There was some issues with his drinking, a knife and myslace right around this time, which I will elaborate later if you wish, however this is just an overview of what happened in those 2 years.

While he was a full partner to my father in the business, he lived with us, and was "playing the part" pretending to clean up etc... he didn't clean up, was just pretending to. Along with being a full partner, mom and dad gave him full access to the bank accounts, his own credit card etc... he maxed everything out, drained those accounts and put my parents in the hole majorly.

He moved out if this house and into one with his girlfriend (eventual wife) after living here for about a year. Starr eventually divorced him, after beginning to realize that there were problems between him and her daughter.

In the meantime, my parents took back their things, like the trucks (plural) he bought, and the semi-truck he drove for the route. Along with the snowmobiles, the horse, the 4-wheeler and the other "toys" he bought. They sold everything except the semi-truck (since they needed that) and that helped a little bit, but they took a pretty good beating from the credit card company, and just the basic all around loss because of spending X amount of money on this toy, then only being able to sell it for about 1/4 what they paid. The horse was really the only thing he didn't "beat up on" and cause it to be difficult to get much money out of it. We got her for $200, sold her for $800. So that helped, but he beat her while he had her, so she was very very skittish, and hard to handle, along with the fact that she was a barrel... not a good horse, just fat, stubborn and mean.

Meh... I feel like I've talked for a long long time, but I know there is more I haven't covered...

Now... as you can imagine, them taking that much of a loss in all the "things" he bought... pushed them over the edge. For awhile they had some problems with their marriage, but finally they realized that if they didn't get them resolved... that we, the kids, would suffer all the more.

They got in touch with a credit card thing-a-ma-bob which helped them pay the cards off, got some help from family, friends, the bank, and did A LOT of praying.

Now... 7 yrs later... :-) we're doing alright again. Not wealthy, but not dirt poor anymore.
Renegade
leonardii at 2007-06-09 14:19 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Tom H.

Typical scumbag. I don't know how they are born into existence - but it always seems that everybody knows one.

I know quite a few... and keep them as far away from me and my family as possible.

I don't know what to say here, babygirl, but keep your head up and let things work themselves out. Hopefully, he will do something stupid enough to land himself in jail... and then prison. That will certainly change his attitude. :)
snapper521 at 2007-06-09 17:23 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Tom H.

*smile* He's been in Prison, it hasn't helped much. *shrug*

I'm a lot better now then I was. It's taken several years to recover, but I've been thoroughly educated. :-P
ehowton
ehowton at 2007-06-09 17:27 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Tom H.

Its been my experience that being in jail doesn't do a damn thing to rehabilitate anything.

My brother acted in the same manner after the first time he was in jail as he did the 20th time he was in jail.
snapper521 at 2007-06-08 23:04 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Tom H. and the knife incident

A lot of people don't/didn't believe me when I finally talked about this. I can, and do, give every single bit of the credit deserved to my ex for getting me to open up. Even though it wasn't with him since I knew if he found out he would kill Tom in cold blood.

Around the time that I inserted my "there were issues with his drinking a knife and myself" into the previous comment, maybe a little before, he got overly drunk, had gone out drinking at the bars to pick up women like he always did. He always got drunk, came home, slept, got up the next morning with a horrible hang over and was a real horrible person to be around for the next 3 days -- if he stayed sober. Which he usually didn't.

He had gotten drunk, came home, slept it off, for an entire day to be exact, and the next day, I had a deer to gut out.

I dont remember who brought it home or why no one else was home. I just remember I had a deer to gut/skin and so when I finished I was covered in guts and blood. Like usual. I stunk... as you can imagine, and threw my knife in the sink to wash later. Which is very odd for me, since I always wash my knife after skinning. I dont have any idea what led me to not wash it that day...

I took a shower and thought I had the house to myself, when in fact I didn't. I usually grab clean clothes so that I go in dirty, come out clean, but I thought I had the house to myself so I didn't this time and just wrapped up in a couple towels. Big mistake.

I wanted a drink of milk so I went to the kitchen, I heard him come stumbling down the stairs and was surprised but ignored him. Second mistake.

He pinned me against the sink, and started... you know. And I was able to get my arm/hand free enough to grab the knife... thank goodness for my laziness... and stabbed him in the arm.

Now that I've had this medical training, I realize just how lucky I was not to hit a main artery. Although on the one hand I'm glad I didn't hit an artery... I suppose I wouldn't have been worried if I had either. *shrug* I hate him. I wish he would go away.
Renegade
leonardii at 2007-06-09 14:15 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Tom H. and the knife incident

Lucky shot. You got your point across, but you didn't get arrested for manslaughter either.

Of course, it could have been self defense - but the lawyer money to set you free would have put you in the poorhouse. Unless the court appointed you an attorney, which could be just as bad.

But either way - you came out ok.. and that's what matters.

Everything happens for a reson.
snapper521 at 2007-06-09 17:25 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Tom H. and the knife incident

Mhmm.

He wouldn't have gone to the cops about me. If he had, I'd have turned him in for attempted rape and since he was already on parole for attempted rape... meh
snapper521 at 2007-06-08 23:08 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Tom H. and the money he's stolen

All in all -- he's stolen over 2 million from various people. Whether it's hooking up with girls for their money, outright stealing it from my grandma ($800,000 in 18-20 yrs), stealing it semi-outright from my parents ($50,000 just in credit cards, along with draining their personal, business and savings accounts, amounts un-known since neither of them will tell me)... it's really unbelieveable that he's still out and about in the normal population.

He just knows who to hit up... since he knows they won't turn him in.

My parents have tried to turn him in, but grandmother won't let them. He is her nefew and... she is to soft.

My folks couldn't take him to court for all that money because she forbid them from doing so. *shrug* it's kind of complicated.
Renegade
leonardii at 2007-06-09 14:10 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Tom H. and the money he's stolen

I'm so sorry. Truly, I am.

That's just tragic...
Renegade
leonardii at 2007-06-09 15:19 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Nick-names

Yes, I agree. That is why I just tell the truth.

It's so very easy to build up and get tangled in a skein of lies... and so very difficult to find your way back through the labyrinth in which you've imrisoned yourself.

"The truth shall set you free..."

But like I've said in earlier posts - we don't always announce when we are revealing our true self or simply wearing the mask of our persona. Sometimes - it's a mixture of both. or just one - or the other. But who knows? Only you.

snapper521 at 2007-06-09 16:29 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Nick-names

Mhmm. :-)

You quoting bible verses... thats interesting. :-P Is there anything you DON'T quote?
Renegade
leonardii at 2007-06-09 19:12 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Nick-names

"Quotes are the wisdom of posterity."
-Jesse Miller

That's my own quote.
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