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Return of the King

Compatibility

Posted on 2007.05.17 at 22:49
Current Location: 75409
Current Music: Jerry Goldsmith - The 13th Warrior
Tags:

During the early part of my marriage my wife would often complain that we didn't have anything in common. This of course is an age-old game married couples play to get their spouse to form an impromptu list of similarities for the purpose, I assume, of ensuring love is true. Yes, I played the game. But over time I've discovered that similar interests have nothing to do with loving your spouse - or even keeping a friendship for that matter. No, those things don't really matter when the chips are down.

I've met people in real life and online who's interests mirror my own, and yet despite our affection for the same things, a friendship never materialized. Conversely, I've met people who couldn't be more different than myself where our activities and hobbies are concerned, and I've made lifelong friends.

What does it boil down to? Personality? Values? Morals? Any single one is unlikely, since we all have probably maintained relationships with people who differ in one or more of the above from us, and yet despite it all, get along well. Meyers-Briggs differences, compassionate/intolerant, pessimistic/optimistic, rude/polite, those who are easily offended and those who are not. You'll still find people who can traverse those barriers willingly and successfully.

Is it then those who fall diametrically opposite on all the personality traits AND have differing values & morals? Probably. There comes a point...there always comes a point.

I tell my wife we don't require things in common. Sure, they're nice to have, and yes, we have them. We enjoy many of the same things. We also enjoy many different things. But what's important is we're the same. That's what keeps us a loving couple. We both strive for the same goals, we're both committed to each other, and to our family. We're both willing to make the hard sacrifices to reach our objective. We balance each other well. These things are far more important than basing a relationship on what we have in common.

Passion grows in marriage, it doesn't wane. Contentment is a wonderful gift.

Reposted:

Thank you for your strength when I need it
Though few and far between
I sometimes draw upon it without your knowledge
To embattle myself; to fortify me

Thank you for your tenderness
Omnipresent even at war
It emcompasses and soothes me
Even if I am remiss to show you

Thank you for your character
It defines you
Above all, I admire that the most
And count upon it when my own in is question

I cannot give you the world
But I offer you my half
And it is only mine to give
Because of you.

Comments:


Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2007-05-18 13:08 (UTC) (Link)
respec.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2007-05-18 13:09 (UTC) (Link)
it's called style.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2007-05-18 13:10 (UTC) (Link)
Love is not an emotion but rather a state of mind and being.
ehowton
ehowton at 2007-05-19 13:00 (UTC) (Link)
Love is indeed a very powerful emotion. To suggest its not is to live without it.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2007-05-19 15:26 (UTC) (Link)
Amen, brother!
galinda822 at 2007-05-19 02:24 (UTC) (Link)
Aww! How very lucky you are to have found your lifemate! I'm envious.

I would love to test your philosphy. Maybe someday. I'm still waiting for my "big" love affair to happen.
ehowton
ehowton at 2007-05-19 12:59 (UTC) (Link)
To each his Dulcinea
That he alone can name...
To each a secret hiding place
Where he can find the haunting face
To light his secret flame.
For with his Dulcinea Beside him so to stand,
A man can do quite anything,
Outfly the bird upon the wing,
Hold moonlight in his hand.
Yet if you build your life on dreams
It's prudent to recall,
A man with moonlight in his hand
Has nothing there at all.
There is no Dulcinea,
She's made of flame and air,
And yet how lovely life would seem
If ev'ry man could weave a dream
To keep him from despair.
To each his Dulcinea...
Though she's naught but flame and air!
galinda822 at 2007-05-20 05:09 (UTC) (Link)
If questioning would make us wise
No eyes would ever gaze in eyes;
If all our tale were told in speech
No mouths would wander each to each.

Were spirits free from mortal mesh
And love not bound in hearts of flesh
No aching breasts would yearn to meet
And find their ecstasy complete.

For who is there that lives and knows
The secret powers by which he grows?
Were knowledge all, what were our needs
To thrill and faint and sweetly bleed?

Then seek not, sweet, the "If" and "Why"
I love you now until I die.
For I must love because I live
And life in me is what you give.
ehowton
ehowton at 2007-05-20 14:35 (UTC) (Link)


under a full moon
wearing nothing
but firelight and promises...

© Carole Mathys
galinda822 at 2007-05-20 17:27 (UTC) (Link)
Wait for me by moonlight...
Watch for me by moonlight...
I will come to thee by moonlight!!
snapper521 at 2007-05-20 23:33 (UTC) (Link)

Compatability

One good example of such an impossible friendship is the one which has developed between Tomas and I. At least to my way of thinking.

Back when I first met him, I hated him. Then I talked to him on the phone, listened to him for literal hours on end, and began to realize that he is just more complicated then most guys, which led me to care about him because I was beginning to understand him.

Mom asked me something odd the other day. "Do you think that you'll ever date Tomas?" I told her absolutely not in a million years. And Tomas agrees with me whole heartedly... in his words "If you were the last woman on earth I wouldn't want you." Ditto for him. However -- he's my friend. :-) Which a year ago, I never thought I would be calling him that.

Amazing how in one year, your relationships, friendships and basic all around opinions change. *thinking/contemplative face*

One year ago? I had just met Tomas through xanga, couldn't stand him, had 2 best friends in Fargo, ND, and one of them had come to see me for my birthday at 5am "this" morning.

Wow. I miss those days. Feels like a world and another life time away. I'm having A LOT of nostalgia today, and I know I'll have it worst tomorrow.

I miss Barrett and Chris. :-(
snapper521 at 2007-05-20 23:34 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Compatability

And Brad. (ex-bf)
ehowton
ehowton at 2007-05-28 15:45 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Compatability

"Do you think that you'll ever date Tomas?" I told her absolutely not in a million years. And Tomas agrees with me whole heartedly... in his words "If you were the last woman on earth I wouldn't want you." Ditto for him.
The two of you have too much passion, and are currently both too immature to understand what you say and what you feel generally have no bearing whatsoever on what you will do.

Amazing how in one year, your relationships, friendships and basic all around opinions change.
This will happen every year for the rest of your life.

Wow. I miss those days.
Ah, days gone past make wonderful memories. Remember to always move forward though, and never pine for things which are no longer!

Cheers!
snapper521 at 2007-05-29 00:57 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Compatability/Changes

Passion:
Eric, what are you talking about? That both Tomas and I are passionate individuals?

In one year:
Yeah, so I've heard. Hope that I have a couple or three good friends who stick with me though. :-P

Miss those days:
Yeah, I've heard about this also. However I must admit that I tend to look back more then forward sometimes. Especially when I'm sad. I get sad, then look back and get sadder... and then make a booty call to my ex... who either ignores me, or is asleep. :-P So usually I don't get him anyway. :-P
(Anonymous) at 2007-05-29 01:01 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Compatability/Changes

Hmm... why did it do that? Stupid thing. :-P Shouldn't have italicized all of that last paragraph.
ehowton
ehowton at 2007-05-29 02:45 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Compatability/Changes

Its like this. NO TWO PEOPLE CAN HAVE AS MUCH PLAYFUL HATRED FOR ONE ANOTHER as you and Tomas without there being a lot of passion involved.

Ergo, it MATTERS NOT WHAT YOU OR HE SAY the passion speaks louder than your words. Deny it though you will, you cannot hide it.

Period.

In fact, the more you passionately dispute this, the more you solidify my point.

That's all I was trying to say.

I know this, because I've seen it, I've lived it. Experience is my teacher, and a hard bitch she can be.
snapper521 at 2007-05-29 02:54 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Compatability/Changes

*laugh*

I think your trying to blow smoke up my ass, but hey whatever you wish to believe.

snapper521 at 2007-05-29 02:56 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Compatability/Changes

I'll admit we have an odd friendship, however I don't think I would have gone so far as to call it passion...
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