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Eric

Assholes

Posted on 2007.10.22 at 12:41
Current Location: 75070
Current Music: AC/DC: Who Made Who

I'm rolling thunder, pouring rain

Assholes. We all know one. They're out there, amongst us. They look like us, they move like us, and sometimes, frighteningly enough, some can outwardly imitate us. I'm not talking about the ones on Capitol Hill, or the ones we hear about on the newsroom floor. No, I'm talking about your co-worker, your neighbor, your classmate...your friend on livejournal. They stand united, which makes them stronger than us. They fight mercilessly, which makes them stronger than us. They play by their own rules, which makes us the weaker opponent. And they taunt us daily.

I'm coming on like a hurricane

Who are these assholes? Most of them are bullies. They use their physical size to intimidate us, or their use of words to cut us down. These are not sane persons. They live only to better themselves and to destroy others. They take up two parking spaces in the parking lot...even when its raining. They match the speed of the person in the lane next to them so you cannot pass. They talk loudly wherever they are. They taunt you with their eyes while doing so - daring you to confront them. They leave their bluetooth headset in their ear. They park too close to your car. They block traffic at the grocery store with their blinker on to get a closer spot while waiting for another car. They take the last of the coffee and don't make another pot.

My lightning's flashing across the sky

There is no reasoning with an asshole. And they cannot be befriended. If they're pleasant to you, but acidic to others...its only a matter of time before they get bored and look to you as their new prey. But there is a defense. Its faster than running, and its stronger than fighting. Its more witty than sarcasm, and oh so easy to do. Best of all, its 100% effective, and befuddles even the most heinous and hardened asshole. Simply put, its not being an asshole back. In some ways, its even worse than being an asshole, because of the satisfaction one feels at watching it work. The expression of the asshole usually changes to something akin to disbelief. As if he's been bested at his own game, yet, not understanding how. Over time, and given enough patience, a small percentage of assholes can be converted. And though it would be counterproductive here to suggest you don't waste you time, by all means, always practice not being an asshole back and you'll likely build within you a self-confidence you never knew you had.

Comments:


Richard Rasner (Unique Nudes™)
uniqueblog at 2007-10-22 19:35 (UTC) (Link)
Inspired.
ehowton
ehowton at 2007-10-22 20:00 (UTC) (Link)
Not as inspired as your new avatar!
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2007-10-22 20:13 (UTC) (Link)
um, I think that the "un" in uniqueblog's avatar is actually part of the message that he was trying to convey.
Richard Rasner (Unique Nudes™)
uniqueblog at 2007-10-22 21:09 (UTC) (Link)
NO! Not at all...
The "UN" stands for "Unique Nudes." I didn't realize the unintended consequences until you pointed it out. I do think it's very inspired.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2007-10-22 21:12 (UTC) (Link)
damn! And here I thought I had rained on Howton's parade.
Richard Rasner (Unique Nudes™)
uniqueblog at 2007-10-22 21:14 (UTC) (Link)
Heh.
Richard Rasner (Unique Nudes™)
uniqueblog at 2007-10-22 21:10 (UTC) (Link)
*laughs*
Thanks! It's brand new work from this pas weekend.
galinda822 at 2007-10-22 19:54 (UTC) (Link)
Words of wisdom...that are often VERY hard to follow! I know I endeavor everyday with a certain co-worker.
ehowton
ehowton at 2007-10-22 20:20 (UTC) (Link)
That is a perfect example of not being able to be reasoned with.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2007-10-22 20:12 (UTC) (Link)
What made you think of photogoot this morning?
ehowton
ehowton at 2007-10-23 02:39 (UTC) (Link)
photogoot is one of the most sincere, most loyal, most entertaining, most gracious, most witty, most generous people I know. But yeah, he prefers to be an asshole back. And he's good at it. I wouldn't fuck with him if I were you.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2007-10-23 02:47 (UTC) (Link)
He prefers to be an asshole back. And he's good at it.
Omit needless words.

He prefers to be an asshole. And he's good at it.
ehowton
ehowton at 2007-10-23 14:20 (UTC) (Link)
Omit needless words.

Asshole.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2007-10-23 14:24 (UTC) (Link)
touche!
Renegade
leonardii at 2007-10-22 20:39 (UTC) (Link)
Very wise.

A favorite quote of mine:

"A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, And a rod for the back of fools."
-Proverbs 26:3

Yes, I too have found dealing with assholes is being a counter asshole. It does throw them off guard - and the wits we use against them are better than swords in their guts.

Of course, in my olden days - I was very willing to take the action of the "rod." Not necessary a physical rod - but a more psychological one. Just like you have to lead the asses. Ones who are capable and willing to do the work... they just need proper leadership. And the horses - well, they need a different sort of motivation - the whip. The boss to get on their back and whip their ass so they keep working. Otherwise - if left on their own, they revert back to their lazy ways and go back to just sitting around grazing and the work piles up around them.

But the fools - well, yes my friend. They certainly need the rod. A nice strong rod to break their backs, their will, their bullying, and their overinflated sense of grandiose nature. Yes - a rod. Break it over their back and they will see who is the master. And they will leave you alone and seek easier prey. We can protect the ones we truly love from these fools - but for the rest, well... they must deal with the fool in their own way.

Like you said - some fools argue with fools and nobody wins... except the bully - he is getting his way by seeing that he/she is irritating people.

Put up that protective witty barrier - and not even the full strength of their asshole personality can penetrate your much stronger Jedi mind. :)
ehowton
ehowton at 2007-10-22 23:13 (UTC) (Link)
These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Renegade
leonardii at 2007-10-22 23:51 (UTC) (Link)
You can go about your business

"You can go about your business."

Move along.

"Move along. Move along..."

Weak minded fools. :)
Melancthe the Woe, So-Called
melancthe at 2007-10-23 04:27 (UTC) (Link)
Good post! I think you are so very right about all of this.

My usual method for dealing with people like that is, as you've said, to be perfectly reasonable and decent in my dealings with them. You can't ever win a fight with an asshole because they're always willing to be more unpleasant than you. I find that a charming smile and a lack of interest in their asshole-ishness are much more effective weapons, because assholes don't know how to deal with that.

I despise rudeness in general. I'm almost always scrupulously polite, unless I'm irritated beyond endurance. And even when I'm pissed off, I try to be polite. Politeness is always an excellent weapon.
ehowton
ehowton at 2007-10-23 15:48 (UTC) (Link)
Not that I can always practice what I preach, I used to use another trick when I had an asshole boss who like to raise his voice a lot. The louder he got, the quieter I got. Pretty soon, he was the only one yelling (which made him look very foolish).

And I'm sorry to have to say this again, but I LOVE the avatar!
Melancthe the Woe, So-Called
melancthe at 2007-10-23 16:56 (UTC) (Link)
I love it too! I need more GQ icons, I think.
ehowton
ehowton at 2007-10-23 17:43 (UTC) (Link)
Not if I beat you to it.
irulan_amy at 2007-10-23 04:50 (UTC) (Link)
You know, the inner me wants to be an asshole back sometimes.

But...it's not me. I can't do it.

Most of the time. ;)


Very wise words.
ehowton
ehowton at 2007-10-23 15:44 (UTC) (Link)
Most of the time. ;)
You and me both. Think of it more as a guideline, rather than a rule. Its something to stive for.
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