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Posted on 2007.11.05 at 03:12
Current Location: 75409
Current Music: Duran Duran - Rio; Missing Persons - Spring Session M
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"We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame is always placed on whisky. Why this should be I never could understand. You can die from drinking too much of anything; coffee, water, milk, soft drinks and all such stuff as that. And so as long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing. I will make mine [Scotch] whisky."
-- W.C. Fields

I have two visitors coming over the next couple of months, and I'm very excited to see them both. Though both are able to co-exist collectively (we all did fine in Saint Louis) separately one requires much more attention (at least in preparation) than the other, and the activities I'm trying to plan vary wildly on opposite sides of the pendulum.

Both will require transportation from the airport. As these people are unaware of Dallas traffic, they'll both likely be screaming in the passenger seat of my car (think danzigfried's first visit). I drive as if I were piloting the Knight Bus in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and traffic in the Metroplex is equally as forgiving. That being said, when one visitor arrives she has no requirements outside of transportation from said terminal to our domicile. As it will be later in the evening, her transportation is already set. I see no problems or issues arising from it. The other, however, requires the the vehicle be at exactly 71-degrees and that a measure of single-malt Scotch be awaiting him in the passenger cabin upon his entrance into the vehicle. Though with my first guest there will be much chattering and catching up during the half-hour drive, my other guest prefers silence until exactly 15-minutes into my drive. He's very precise, you see. Needs his time to "unwind."

While both guests and I have plenty of catching up to do, the care and feeding of one is going to be much more simplistic than the other. Both will be sleeping in the kids room's during their visit, but one demands 600-thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets. Our first breakfast will be lots of fun for both visitors, and though the menu of one visitor is not set, she'll no doubt enjoy whatever morning feast we serve, while the other requires a single slice of dry rye toast, and a single egg over-easy and 8-ounces of coffee at exactly 112-degrees Fahrenheit.

Even though I haven't seen either of these visitors in several months, it will be like we were never apart once they arrive. I am notorious for picking right up where we left off and having a really good time. That is, once I get the list of pre-approved conversations from my more *ahem* structured guest. My wife has events planned and sites to see with our first visitor - I'll be lucky to be able to tag along a couple of days into the visit. The other guest is bringing his own agenda. I'm waiting in eager anticipation to see if I'll be asked to accompany him.

With our first visitor, my wife has picked up a couple of bottles of wine and fun things like "chocolate tequila." She is so much fun and so easy-going I anticipate a great time all around. My other visitor is like Madam Maxine's flying horses from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - he only drinks single-malt whisky, so I've been feverishly stockpiling Scotch. No matter how much I have, I'm afraid it won't be enough. He requires a dram an hour. You've heard of a mean drunk? My second visitor only gets angry if he doesn't drink!

I'm very excited to see both my friends.

We're hosting a large block-party for the first visitor - she already engages in conversation with the locals of Anna, and I have people coming from all over the Metroplex to meet her. My other friend, well, not only are his arrival dates and times kept until the most strict of confidences, I've agreed we're not to leave the house except under the cover of darkness, and to avoid as much human contact as possible. He's written a backstory I've memorized to explain his presence here in Texas.

Either way, how much fun can a person have?

I rock.

Who loves ya?


galinda822 at 2007-11-05 18:49 (UTC) (Link)
I can't wait! I've missed you all so much...more than you know. The countdown has begun. Tick,tock!

Hmmm! I'm thinking maybe I should have been a little more demanding for my visit. :)

Next time you speak to your other visitor please let him know that I am VERY disappointed not to have heard from him lately! My feelings are officially hurt! :(

ehowton at 2007-11-05 18:56 (UTC) (Link)
I don't think my other visitor is in the practice of caring. Reminds me of a song:

Oh, yes, that woman made brazen overtures
With a gilt-edged guarantee
She had a golden glint in her eye
And a silver voice with a counterfeit ring
Just melt her down and you'll reveal
A lump of lead as cold as steel
Here, where a woman's heart should be!
galinda822 at 2007-11-05 18:50 (UTC) (Link)
ps: I wouldn't mind a little whisky while I'm there. Haven't had any since you left.
ehowton at 2007-11-05 19:00 (UTC) (Link)
Me either! I'm afraid of his wrath, however, if he sees that the seals have been broken on any of them! Though I must admit, I cracked the Cigar Malt on Halloween. I always walk the kids around with a cigar, this time I did so with a cigar and Scotch!
jaceman at 2007-11-05 23:02 (UTC) (Link)
Two things...

1) My invitation must have gotten lost in the mail.
2) What's a dram? I'm too lazy to look it up, so just give me the answer sheet.
ehowton at 2007-11-05 23:19 (UTC) (Link)
A dram is a small measure.
Which guest above would you be?
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2007-11-06 14:59 (UTC) (Link)
I'm assuming that most of this post is facetious. That having been said, the only person that you know that I know of that is this anal retentive is photogoot. Good God!

Even I didn't have demands like these...
ehowton at 2007-11-06 16:08 (UTC) (Link)
Logic dictates that had this post been facetious, the party in question would have countered. Your skills of perception are well honed, but your detective work sucks. Check the tags.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2007-11-06 15:32 (UTC) (Link)
Is that a stock photo or are all of those bottles sitting on your counter?
ehowton at 2007-11-06 16:06 (UTC) (Link)
They're sitting on my counter. To see the shot of them out of the boxes, check out http://www.wilddamntexan.com/kids/scotch_bottles.jpg
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2007-11-07 14:19 (UTC) (Link)
I'm curious: does photogoot Needs his tie to "unwind." or need his time to unwind?
ehowton at 2007-11-08 00:28 (UTC) (Link)
I'm curious, do you pretend to not have couth or do you not have any idea what I'm talking about?
danzigfried at 2007-11-08 18:15 (UTC) (Link)
This has probably been one of my favorite posts...was it the sharp wit, the 'turning of shoopydurex's comments against him', the always resonating appearance of Galinda? No. While all these things are enjoyable, I believe that it is, in fact, the vision of copious amounts of scotch on Eric's counter....especially the Macallan.
The only thing missing from the group is Macallan 25, and me...or maybe some Sheep Dip...and tasty-goodness from Chipotle...oh, and a Monte Cristo or two. I am quite curious about 'The Dalmore', but knowing Howton its got to be good!
Peace out my non-eastern-european brethren and sistern.

(Disclaimer: Any and all Danzigfried greetings and salutations are presented freely and with great affection to all users of Howton's live journal, with the exception of, and limited explicitly to 'scoopydurex'. Danzigfried (and all parties directly associated to this userid) will not be held accountable for any accidental acknowledgement or 'friendly banter' of said member 'scoopydurex', which, incidentally Danzigfried does not even acknowledge as a member.)
Copyright 2007. Danzigfried LJ Media Collaborative
ehowton at 2007-11-08 18:53 (UTC) (Link)
If you make the 5-hour drive down to the party, I can promise you some Dalmore. photogoot first picked some up for us during one of my visits there.

Very heavy, very complex. The opposite of the Macallan 18. The Macallan 25, BTW is $247 dollars in Anna, TX.

Remember, we're only five hours due South!
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2007-11-10 15:04 (UTC) (Link)
He's written a backstory I've memorized to explain his presence here in Texas.
Aliens adbucted him and put a chip in his brain?
ehowton at 2007-11-10 20:41 (UTC) (Link)
His impromptu trip down here on the 1st might mitigate that entirely.
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