Through the noise and bustle of the day; nay, week - rarely am I afforded time of quiet introspection. Not that I seek it out. Given the choice of staying busy, entertaining myself, losing myself through the absorption of music or quiet self-reflection, I'll likely always choose the former - though in the right setting, you can use music to help you attain that meditative state. I sure miss my music. Here lately, I've been staying up late, locking myself in my office and turning the music up.
Sometimes I listen to a single album over and over and over. Other times, I create complex playlists to guide me through a mood. Sometimes, its as if I require this artificial recreation of a mood to force me to feel a certain way. I don't have 'highs' and 'lows' so sometimes I miss out on being totally still and quiet and being swept away by my own imagination.
Of course in this age of being 'plugged in' I wonder what that means for our children? It was my more solitudinous days and weeks in the military that caused me to examine myself critically, and I am a better person because of it. I know how I'm going to react to a situation beforehand, and can alter it if I need to. I know me very well due to being still, quiet, alone, and thinking. Solving problems. Solving me. Using my mind to overcome shortcomings and be a better person. In that, however, I haven't always been successful.
Of course there was always a lot of wine involved during this time, so who really knows what took place?
Larak tarath. Larak tarath. Larak tarath. Larak tarath...
Case in point - Today, I'm very angry. I don't like it when I'm angry. The source of my anger is frustration. I don't like being angry because of frustration. I'm smart enough to understand that just because I don't understand something doesn't mean I should get angry, but I'm angry because I'm frustrated and frustrated because of something I don't understand.
I don't understand why the Windows operating system has to be such a raging pile of shit. The fact that it even exists makes me angry. I want to kill it. Windows has decided to alternate which of its fucking six onboard USB ports work at any given time. Its playing a game with me. I don't like games. USB is a retarded protocol anyway. I have a memory leak somewhere as well - and I don't know who is more stupid - people who write viruses, people who write virus scanners, or morons like me who use them. I really feel bad for those morons who actually pay for their virus protection software. Just like the Department of Homeland Security, all it provides is an illusion of security, nothing more.
I like how Windows "gets confused" about devices, where they are, who they belong to, and whether or not it's placed running process hooks in them. I like how explorer wants to poll current, and possible future devices prior to giving me a directory listing. I enjoy the 4000 listings of 'Desktop' above the fixed drives. I love how my operating system wants to pull the reigns on my broadband so it can figure out what it needs to do rather than following my simple instruction.
I have five hours of driving to do today. I'm angry about that too. Also that its raining and will be all weekend. And that I'll be driving, in the rain, five hours, with my two children. I'm angry I haven't left yet. I'm angry that ever since I told my BIOS to no longer attempt to boot from CDROM last week, it has chosen to disable all access to the CDROM altogether. I'm also angry that reversing this decision in the BIOS has resulted in no change in access. BIOS manufactures are excited that they'll no longer bow to the demands of Microsoft in limiting their wares so that they can run full-fledged, non-Windows broswers and email clients from within the BIOS itself! Am I excited about that? No. Its just another place for people to write viruses. Hooray. Now we can purchase BIOS virus scanners as well. Maybe the Dept. of Homeland Security could get into that business too? They might make enough on that venture to stop digging in my pockets.
Oh, there's good things - this entire post isn't a rant. I picked up all four of the new flavors of Java Monster yesterday and have begun reviewing them on my World Domination post. I've placed a link on my page entitled, "M O N S T E R." I also got eight hours of sleep last night - on top of three cups of coffee late at night and half a Java Monster Russian. I was awaken at 0700 from hail the size of my thumb. I'm glad the car was in the garage.
Suffice it to say my indefatigability is not unflappable today.