?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Eric

The Mak’tar Chant of Strength

Posted on 2008.02.16 at 11:45
Current Location: 75409
Current Music: Newman - Galaxy Quest/Serenity

Through the noise and bustle of the day; nay, week - rarely am I afforded time of quiet introspection. Not that I seek it out. Given the choice of staying busy, entertaining myself, losing myself through the absorption of music or quiet self-reflection, I'll likely always choose the former - though in the right setting, you can use music to help you attain that meditative state. I sure miss my music. Here lately, I've been staying up late, locking myself in my office and turning the music up.

Sometimes I listen to a single album over and over and over. Other times, I create complex playlists to guide me through a mood. Sometimes, its as if I require this artificial recreation of a mood to force me to feel a certain way. I don't have 'highs' and 'lows' so sometimes I miss out on being totally still and quiet and being swept away by my own imagination.

Of course in this age of being 'plugged in' I wonder what that means for our children? It was my more solitudinous days and weeks in the military that caused me to examine myself critically, and I am a better person because of it. I know how I'm going to react to a situation beforehand, and can alter it if I need to. I know me very well due to being still, quiet, alone, and thinking. Solving problems. Solving me. Using my mind to overcome shortcomings and be a better person. In that, however, I haven't always been successful.

Of course there was always a lot of wine involved during this time, so who really knows what took place?



Larak tarath. Larak tarath. Larak tarath. Larak tarath...


Case in point - Today, I'm very angry. I don't like it when I'm angry. The source of my anger is frustration. I don't like being angry because of frustration. I'm smart enough to understand that just because I don't understand something doesn't mean I should get angry, but I'm angry because I'm frustrated and frustrated because of something I don't understand.

I don't understand why the Windows operating system has to be such a raging pile of shit. The fact that it even exists makes me angry. I want to kill it. Windows has decided to alternate which of its fucking six onboard USB ports work at any given time. Its playing a game with me. I don't like games. USB is a retarded protocol anyway. I have a memory leak somewhere as well - and I don't know who is more stupid - people who write viruses, people who write virus scanners, or morons like me who use them. I really feel bad for those morons who actually pay for their virus protection software. Just like the Department of Homeland Security, all it provides is an illusion of security, nothing more.

I like how Windows "gets confused" about devices, where they are, who they belong to, and whether or not it's placed running process hooks in them. I like how explorer wants to poll current, and possible future devices prior to giving me a directory listing. I enjoy the 4000 listings of 'Desktop' above the fixed drives. I love how my operating system wants to pull the reigns on my broadband so it can figure out what it needs to do rather than following my simple instruction.

I have five hours of driving to do today. I'm angry about that too. Also that its raining and will be all weekend. And that I'll be driving, in the rain, five hours, with my two children. I'm angry I haven't left yet. I'm angry that ever since I told my BIOS to no longer attempt to boot from CDROM last week, it has chosen to disable all access to the CDROM altogether. I'm also angry that reversing this decision in the BIOS has resulted in no change in access. BIOS manufactures are excited that they'll no longer bow to the demands of Microsoft in limiting their wares so that they can run full-fledged, non-Windows broswers and email clients from within the BIOS itself! Am I excited about that? No. Its just another place for people to write viruses. Hooray. Now we can purchase BIOS virus scanners as well. Maybe the Dept. of Homeland Security could get into that business too? They might make enough on that venture to stop digging in my pockets.

Oh, there's good things - this entire post isn't a rant. I picked up all four of the new flavors of Java Monster yesterday and have begun reviewing them on my World Domination post. I've placed a link on my page entitled, "M O N S T E R." I also got eight hours of sleep last night - on top of three cups of coffee late at night and half a Java Monster Russian. I was awaken at 0700 from hail the size of my thumb. I'm glad the car was in the garage.

Suffice it to say my indefatigability is not unflappable today.

GRRRRRR!

Comments:


Melancthe the Woe, So-Called
melancthe at 2008-02-16 20:54 (UTC) (Link)
I ... am having this weird feeling of déjà vu regarding the first part of this post, especially with it just showing up on my f-list now. I must be having a very blonde day.
somemomintexas at 2008-02-16 21:56 (UTC) (Link)
I put this up around 1500 Friday, realized I'd already posted Friday (I try not to post more than once a day) so deleted it to save it for Saturday's post. You're not going crazy, though its very likely that I am.

~ ehowton on his mother's account.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2008-02-17 18:12 (UTC) (Link)
Too bad this will be the only comment that we see from somemomintexas.

For the love of Spidy, please post and comment under your username, somemomintexas.
ehowton
ehowton at 2008-02-18 02:05 (UTC) (Link)
What do your spidey-senses tell you?
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2008-02-18 02:07 (UTC) (Link)
do you really want to know?
ehowton
ehowton at 2008-02-18 03:28 (UTC) (Link)
Not if you have to answer my question in this fashion.
galinda822 at 2008-02-17 06:52 (UTC) (Link)

Enquiring minds want to know...

Using my mind to overcome shortcomings and be a better person.
Pray tell, what type of shortcomings are you referring to?

I know how I'm going to react to a situation beforehand, and can alter it if I need to.
Predictability equals stability?


ehowton
ehowton at 2008-02-17 07:04 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Enquiring minds want to know...

Pray tell, what type of shortcomings are you referring to?
I used to get easily frustrated over things I didn't understand.
galinda822 at 2008-02-17 07:10 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Enquiring minds want to know...

And now you don't?

Thought that was what made you feel angry in this post.
ehowton
ehowton at 2008-02-17 07:19 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Enquiring minds want to know...

Its a work in progress.
galinda822 at 2008-02-17 07:34 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Enquiring minds want to know...

Isn't it always!
Me
photogoot at 2008-02-18 02:18 (UTC) (Link)

Introspection...

The list of things that makes me angry has always been longer than the list that makes you angry. ;-)

Introspection is a double edged sward. The more one knows the more one is aware of what they do not know….

Imagine an infinite plane as represented by the black field below. This infinite black plane represents everything that is unknown to you. The white circle represents all that is known to you. The boundary between the known and unknown (black vs white) represents your capacity to be aware of and to question the unknown. The less you know the fewer questions there are. The more that becomes known to you the more questions present themselves. This ever increasing dynamic of the boundary between the known and unknown sometimes drives me crazy. The more I learn through introspection the heavier the burden of my questions becomes. The bitch of it is when you really get this ball rolling there is no stopping it and there is certainly no going back, you can’t unknown something.




Edited at 2008-02-18 02:31 am (UTC)
ehowton
ehowton at 2008-02-18 03:15 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Introspection...

I was installing a new virus scanner today. It asked the question, "Do you want to protect against unknown viruses?"

"How the fsck can it protect again something unknown?" I wondered, rather brashly truth be told.

After I clicked, "Yes" It read, "This scanner will use heuristics on unknown threats."

While its true I don't know everything about myself, I can often come to highly accurate conclusions based on past patterns of behavior, and apply them against new scenarios as I come across them.

In theory.

Point is - I know myself well enough to not become hysterical at the first sign of something new.

galinda822 at 2008-02-18 04:46 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Introspection...

Isn't each experience, even if you've encountered a similar incident in the past, unique?

Or do you not find that to be the case? (I'm guessing you don't.) :)
ehowton
ehowton at 2008-02-18 14:32 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Introspection...

Just because something is unique does not mean it cannot be categorized. There are many fears I have not yet had to deal with - but many of my current stressors are simply mutations of past ones.
ehowton
ehowton at 2008-02-18 03:22 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Introspection...

The list of things that makes me angry has always been longer than the list that makes you angry. ;-)
I am a simple man.
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2008-02-18 05:06 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Introspection...

I have a long list.

I am a complicated man.
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2008-02-18 05:34 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Introspection...

1. Illegal aliens bad.
2. Liberals bad.
3. Hippie Liberals really bad.
4. Obama really, really bad just like Osama.
5. Yankees not so bad unless they are liberals for Obama and Osama.
6. The list would be longer but my five fingers are tired.
catttitude
catttitude at 2008-02-19 00:37 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Introspection...

Beer?
Me
photogoot at 2008-02-18 02:28 (UTC) (Link)

Manly Men!

Many of us manly men are not prone to flights of emotional fancy. As we travel about our worlds we are not necessarily moved by every breeze. But if you cut us do we not bead? We all need to release in some form or another. I think your use of music to educe an emotional journey is great. My dad used to say “if not for classical music I’d kill every thing I love”.

Edited at 2008-02-18 02:28 am (UTC)
ehowton
ehowton at 2008-02-18 03:19 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Manly Men!

Puchini is fantastic for digging really deep.
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2008-02-18 04:55 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Manly Men!

How about a hug!!!
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2008-02-18 05:00 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Manly Men!

My dad still says "If not for classical music I’d kill everybody."
ehowton
ehowton at 2008-02-18 14:33 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Manly Men!

Your mother no longer does, for example.
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2008-02-18 16:00 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Manly Men!

Ok, I hate, really hate to quote Tom on this one but I really don't get it.
ehowton
ehowton at 2008-02-18 17:31 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Manly Men!

The reason photogoot's father no longer says that, unlike your father, who still says it, is that his father is no longer with us, else he probably still would.
(Deleted comment)
ehowton
ehowton at 2008-02-18 21:08 (UTC) (Link)
I wish I could move away from Windows entirely. Unfortunately, wine doesn't work worth shit and I can't get my laptop to extend my desktop onto my second monitor.

*sigh*

Maybe someday.
irulan_amy at 2008-02-21 05:23 (UTC) (Link)
Sorry you were angry. I realize it was days ago, and you are probably not angry by now. Or if you are, probably for entirely different reasons.

I'm keeping my eyes open for Java Monster everywhere but haven't seen it. When I find it, I will sotck up. It sounds yummy. And really necessary for me sometimes.

"Suffice it to say my indefatigability is not unflappable today."
Good sentence.
ehowton
ehowton at 2008-02-21 05:37 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! I must admit, the The Mak’tar Chant of Strength, coupled with the Bitburger REALLY helped mellow me out.

I'm back to being completely unflappable :P
Previous Entry  Next Entry