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Posted on 2008.02.21 at 11:23
Current Location: 75409
Current Music: Bernstein - Ghostbusters
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(1:33:33 PM) some19yearold: You know what? Up until you posted your anniversary post I thought your wife was a really thin lady :-) she's my size
(1:33:37 PM) some19yearold: kool ;-)
(1:34:12 PM) some19yearold: my opinion of you improved greatly upon that realization :-D
(1:50:10 PM) EricHowton: You have problems that are not easily dealt with outside of medication and therapy if you're serious.

This was the entirety of a "conversation" (there was no actual interaction) I had on AIM yesterday (names changed to protect the guilty) and despite my initial reaction (as recorded above) it actually got me thinking about perspectives again.

When my wife was 19 years old, she was approximately 115 pounds, active in sports and working a job after school. When I met her a year before our wedding, she was 32 years old and only 10 pounds heavier - working out every day after work to supplant her more corporate lifestyle (as represented in our wedding picture on my Valentine post not anniversary as misstated above.) Today, after two-children and having crossed 40, is that representative of my intentions when we married?

Let's say I'm thought of more highly because I purposely married a fat girl? (How anyone gets 'large' from that wedding photo is beyond me to begin with.) Now that we know my wife was thinner when I married her (who wasn't) does that change? Am I thought of as less? Am I Shallow Hal? Did I marry my wife because she was hot, or because I loved her? Do I love her less now that she's no longer 125-pounds? Should I? What does it say about me that I married her when she was a hot little number? Does that make me shallow? And have stayed with her now that she's gained weight - Does my respect go up for not dumping her? Where is the demarcation line here?

Age does funny things to us all. I happen to be growing more attractive as I age - a wonderful gift for someone not blessed with overt beauty when I was younger. But I, too, am heavier. I've gained 25 pounds since I left the Air Force, but rarely even think about it. Should I put undue pressure on my wife despite my own shortcomings? I was 185 when I was 21. Maybe my wife married me because I was hot? Perhaps we were two superficial people taking advantage of each other's physical beauty and raging sexuality? If that were the case would we still be together now?

My wife's no longer that hot little number I married 10-years ago, but she has the potential to be again. She quit her job to raise our children at home. I respect that. I respect that more than the little weight she's gained because of that decision. She's looking into going back into the job market. It's been eight years, and that takes a lot of courage. Ten years of marriage has revealed to me her strengths. And I know once she gets back into the swing of things, she'll no longer be happy in the skin she wears now. The best years of our lives are yet to take place, and I can't wait for them to get here.

I love my wife for what she was.
I love my wife for what she is.
And I love my wife for what she will become.

I'm not troubled that I am being judged for the size of my wife - I'm more amused. I'm amused at the musings of youth. To quote Tone Lōc, "Hey you two, I was once like you and I liked to do the Wild Thing.

Berlin, West Germany - 1989, 24 years old.


mr_dowg at 2008-02-21 17:33 (UTC) (Link)
Sometimes younger people astonish me with there ideas of how people should look. If it were up to most of them, we would all be skinny little models! Sometimes I think they are afraid of people being different! On that note, yes L looks different than the picture you posted from 1989 but she is a very lovely lady and anyone who says differently is just a plain moron!

Also....I can not remember when I ever weighed 185 pounds....maybe in middle school! I have always been a large man and it has always bothered me but I have never been one to look at someone and see their weight, I always see past that and see who they are instead!
ehowton at 2008-02-21 18:36 (UTC) (Link)
Who we are is defined by so many different things. I've seen people make lists of attributes, both physically and personality-wise in which to choose their mate and its inconceivable to me that anyone can be that...limiting.
Richard Rasner (Unique Nudes™)
uniqueblog at 2008-02-21 17:42 (UTC) (Link)
Let's say I'm thought of more highly because I purposely married a fat girl?

It's funny, I get "kudos" all the time when I feature larger models, and nothing is said at all when I feature skinny ones (even very skinny ones), and I wonder what people are trying to say to me as an artist.
ehowton at 2008-02-21 18:39 (UTC) (Link)
Gene Simmons once said, "I love women. All women." I feel that way, and apparently sir, so do you. What does that say about you as an artist? That you will not limit yourself.
galinda822 at 2008-02-21 18:43 (UTC) (Link)
The shallowness of youth! A 3 month relationship is a lifetime for them.

Yes physical appearance is the first thing most people are attracted to but that deeper level of love and understanding are what make a relationship last.
ehowton at 2008-02-21 18:53 (UTC) (Link)
Its crazy to even think about! I'm going to have to go home and watch Shallow Hal. Too funny.
drax0r at 2008-02-21 19:23 (UTC) (Link)

Nineteen year-olds don't know shit. The problem is that they think they know everything. I suspect the person that wrote this just doesn't have the life experience to understand how fucked up that statement was.

Alternately, she could just be a maladjusted miserable bitch with image problems who thinks that everyone else should be as discontent with life as she is.
ehowton at 2008-02-21 19:36 (UTC) (Link)
To quote photogoot the problem actually isn't that they think they know everything - its that they know they know everything! This finality makes the comprehension of any new thoughts utterly impossible.
Melancthe the Woe, So-Called
melancthe at 2008-02-21 19:49 (UTC) (Link)
I'm ... boggling. Maybe I'm just squinty from old age, but I didn't get any "not thin" from the picture in your anniversary post. She looks pretty damn hot, and I speak as a connoisseur of hotness, dammit. :)

Also (and I know this is off on a tangent): one day, this person will grow up and realise that what makes someone attractive and sexy doesn't necessarily have anything to do with their size either way. It's the way they smile, the way they speak, even things that would normally be considered "flaws" can sometimes be amazingly sexy and make you fall madly in love with the person. So there.

Who was it who said this, anyway?
catttitude at 2008-02-21 20:00 (UTC) (Link)
E and I have a young friend that I have known for 8 years. He always calls me hot, he also always looks deeply into my eyes. He makes me feel really good every time I see him. If I weren't already married I would ask him out. I dig his personality.
catttitude at 2008-02-21 20:15 (UTC) (Link)
Hey,1989? Did you choose this photo on purpose? Is that when miss 19 year old was born? Man, no wonder I am so happy at mid life. I can't think of anything in my life that I have missed.
ehowton at 2008-02-21 21:41 (UTC) (Link)
I've got many pictures of you from different eras - all of them beautiful. I chose this one because you look especially lovely.
wardlejew at 2008-02-21 21:16 (UTC) (Link)
Hmmm. This whole thing could be a misunderstanding. The person did not say "I thought your wife was fat." They said "I thought your wife was a really thin lady." What does "really thin" mean? Personally, I think the picture shows an attractive lady with a lucky man. ;)

They said "my opinion of you improved greatly upon that realization" Maybe they said exactly what they meant to say here. There perception of YOU has changed, not so much there perception of love, marriage, and relationships. Maybe they thought you were a shallow person who would marry for looks. Maybe they think just like you and are excited to find out that is the case. So limited a discussion to base this all on, and I try to defend both sides of the argument.

BUT, knowing the state of the world and the age of the person, you are probably right; what a retarded thing to say.
ehowton at 2008-02-21 22:05 (UTC) (Link)
She meant it as a compliment when she thought I willingly married a large girl, but admits she doesn't think less of me now that she knows I married a 'hot little number' because I "stayed married" (as if that were even an option?)

I think the young are confused about their place on this earth and how things really work.

When I was young I'm quite sure I wondered what I was supposed to do with this life other than merely survive. I've since discovered that role and embraced it wholeheartedly. I rarely do things any other way. I'm unsure about the destination, but the journey has been a blast!
Complete and Utter Nonsense
jesskd26 at 2008-02-21 21:29 (UTC) (Link)
I can very much assure the 19 year old in question that Lady L is NOT her size.
ehowton at 2008-02-21 22:06 (UTC) (Link)
Your assurances, as an adult, are probably looked at with suspicion.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand
galinda822 at 2008-02-21 22:07 (UTC) (Link)
I always found you sexy as hell - still do! ;)
I love your mind and wit!!!!
ehowton at 2008-02-21 22:51 (UTC) (Link)
She's still a hottie, ain't she?
galinda822 at 2008-02-21 22:14 (UTC) (Link)
I happen to be growing more attractive as I age

Oh yeah!!!!! I agree.
Even though I didn't know you when you were younger.
photogoot at 2008-02-22 02:39 (UTC) (Link)


I completed my cooling off period… ;-) When I hear stories like the one presented here the thing I find so surprising is not the ignorance but rather the way ignorance is hoisted up, with great effort, to be brandished as if were a prize to be offered or esteemed. Just amazing really, I just do not understand it.

I am glad Lady L doesn’t seem too offended. I guess why would she be, the comments were not made directly to her or publicly for that matter. I simply see this as affirmation of my previous reaction to the things Rubie communicates to others in general. I have nothing against 19 year olds; I know plenty of young people who are thought provoking intelligent people. I enjoy interacting with them, it encourages and challenges me. This Rubie IMHO is not worth much time, if any. Good grief, what can you even say?
ehowton at 2008-02-22 02:55 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Rubie...

Nice reflective avatar. The only offense my wife took was that her 30+ year old body was being compared to that of a 19-year-old's. She thought if there was going to be body comparisons going on without her knowledge, that like-for-like should be used.

I really appreciate your "prize" analogy. Its really well done, and I think deserving of a place in our vernacular - to be pulled out and used when appropriate.
(Anonymous) at 2008-02-22 17:30 (UTC) (Link)

Hello all I'm new here !

Just wanted to say Hello to everyone.
Much to read and learn here, I'm sure I will enjoy !
ehowton at 2008-02-22 19:08 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Hello all I'm new here !

Greetings! I have to admit - I'd be surprised if I ever hear from you again. Most people from your country who add me as a friend have FL's in the thousands but usually at least create an account first. Congratulations on your country's purchase of lj!

I hope to talk to you again soon - your friend in the States,

leonardii at 2008-02-25 23:22 (UTC) (Link)
My wife, as you have seen, barely weighs in at 105 lbs. That's after having one child. She came to America about 115 lbs. I think it was Mama's home cooking that did the trick.

Lena goes for her citizenship exam this month - and then we plan on getting her mother here on a family visa ASAP. That woman is the energizer bunny. She will be a great relief for us in helping to take care of Jessica - and also since Mama doesn't speak English, Jessic will be more or less forced to learn her native tongue - which pleases me to no end.

Also - since Mama will undoubtedly take over the kitchen - she'll be feeding us all. Mmmmm... I can't wait. She is a fantastic cook and knows how to make a good mean with just a few things in the fridge. Of course, I'm going to cook my famous enchiladas for her - and see how she likes my Tex-Mex recipes. I have a very strong feeling that she will endorse my cooking just as well as I endorse hers. Of course, in her head - she has such a plethora of great dishes, I will find it hard to keep up. But believe me, I will do my fair share of eating those fabulous dishes she comes up with at dinnertime.

Mama Olga will also make sure Lena, Jessica, and I start the day with a healthy Russian breakfast. I normally have a slimfast shake, so I'm good for a few hours. But it will be great again to have something in the belly that lasts for a longer while.

Yes - I can't wait until Lena passes her exam, becomes an American, and then petitions for her mother to join us here... living with us on a more or less permanent schedule. She will have to fly back to Russia once a year to check on things. I'm hoping she will take the girls with her. Jessica loves the family dacha and farm that goes with it.

When Jessica is old enough, we're going to send her to Russian camps for the summer. Not exactly the girl scouts - but it will be good for her to know something deeper about her peers and being able to converse with them so freely, they will think that Jessica is a native of the Motherland.

So many plans - so little time it seems. Especially when money is so tight. We have about 1 year to go for our bankruptcy - after than, the money will pour in like a fountain of gold. I've already seen the Rowlett Dance Academny - and we have plans for putting Jessica into the many different styles of dance that they have to offer. Mainly ballet, but in the beginning, they only meet one a month. surely there are some other programs that will be of interest to Jessica. Who knows we may fing. Something interesting, I hope!

Glad to know all is well with the family. That makes my heart soar and my lift my spirits!

When the day comes - let us celebrate with the best spirits we can lay our hands on. That should not be a problem though - right?
ehowton at 2008-02-28 14:17 (UTC) (Link)
I am very excited for you, and your family. And I understand about the Russian camps. I wish I could send my boy to a Hilter Youth camp to learn respect, and honor.
leonardii at 2008-02-25 23:27 (UTC) (Link)
To ehowton and Mrs. Howton:

She's beautiful - as always.

I will never forget some of the things you used to tell me. As your wife gets older, her body changes from having your children. However, this does not mean to love her any less - but even more so.
ehowton at 2008-02-28 14:16 (UTC) (Link)
Soon, her children's children will be calling her Mama Olga!
leonardii at 2008-03-05 14:14 (UTC) (Link)
You should post gentlemen lessons intermittently when you post love notes to your ever-lovely wife.

A lad could learn something from ya!
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