(1:33:33 PM) some19yearold: You know what? Up until you posted your anniversary post I thought your wife was a really thin lady :-) she's my size
(1:33:37 PM) some19yearold: kool ;-)
(1:34:12 PM) some19yearold: my opinion of you improved greatly upon that realization :-D
(1:50:10 PM) EricHowton: You have problems that are not easily dealt with outside of medication and therapy if you're serious.
This was the entirety of a "conversation" (there was no actual interaction) I had on AIM yesterday (names changed to protect the guilty) and despite my initial reaction (as recorded above) it actually got me thinking about perspectives again.
When my wife was 19 years old, she was approximately 115 pounds, active in sports and working a job after school. When I met her a year before our wedding, she was 32 years old and only 10 pounds heavier - working out every day after work to supplant her more corporate lifestyle (as represented in our wedding picture on my Valentine post not anniversary as misstated above.) Today, after two-children and having crossed 40, is that representative of my intentions when we married?
Let's say I'm thought of more highly because I purposely married a fat girl? (How anyone gets 'large' from that wedding photo is beyond me to begin with.) Now that we know my wife was thinner when I married her (who wasn't) does that change? Am I thought of as less? Am I Shallow Hal? Did I marry my wife because she was hot, or because I loved her? Do I love her less now that she's no longer 125-pounds? Should I? What does it say about me that I married her when she was a hot little number? Does that make me shallow? And have stayed with her now that she's gained weight - Does my respect go up for not dumping her? Where is the demarcation line here?
Age does funny things to us all. I happen to be growing more attractive as I age - a wonderful gift for someone not blessed with overt beauty when I was younger. But I, too, am heavier. I've gained 25 pounds since I left the Air Force, but rarely even think about it. Should I put undue pressure on my wife despite my own shortcomings? I was 185 when I was 21. Maybe my wife married me because I was hot? Perhaps we were two superficial people taking advantage of each other's physical beauty and raging sexuality? If that were the case would we still be together now?
My wife's no longer that hot little number I married 10-years ago, but she has the potential to be again. She quit her job to raise our children at home. I respect that. I respect that more than the little weight she's gained because of that decision. She's looking into going back into the job market. It's been eight years, and that takes a lot of courage. Ten years of marriage has revealed to me her strengths. And I know once she gets back into the swing of things, she'll no longer be happy in the skin she wears now. The best years of our lives are yet to take place, and I can't wait for them to get here.
I love my wife for what she was.
I love my wife for what she is.
And I love my wife for what she will become.
I'm not troubled that I am being judged for the size of my wife - I'm more amused. I'm amused at the musings of youth. To quote Tone Lōc, "Hey you two, I was once like you and I liked to do the Wild Thing.
Berlin, West Germany - 1989, 24 years old.