November 7th, 2006

Mr. Incredible

How I dodged one bullet, and bit another

Wife wanted us to lose some weight. She announced her desire to visit a Jenny Craig counselor the following weekend. The both of us. She was excited about the pre-packaged food (she wouldn't have to cook) and excited about the prospect of losing weight. Her mother had previously been on this with great success. I excused myself from dinner, locked myself in my hole, and immediately went to work. When I emerged half an hour later, I was well-armed, from numerous sources (which I had printed for verification) and began my counterpoint:

  • $137 per week, per person, for food & "supplements" = $1000 month...for a diet!

  • You still have to go shopping, and prepare your own food, as the diet requires fruit, vegetables and yogurt.

  • These foods are pre-packaged, pre-processed foods, loaded with preservatives and high-frutose corn syrup, two things we've purposely moved away from. Why eat it now?

  • According to two women's daily blog, it was basically a starvation diet.

As expected, she asked, "So what do you propose?" I told her I was looking at the M2C Stack, as it had showed up on every site I'd been to, right under Jenny Craig. She hates powdered drink diets, but if it worked, she was willing to give it a try. It was $108 for a week's worth, one person. I save only a little money, but the claims sound too good to be true. As it turns out, they are. The only thing I was able to uncover about M2C Stack, was that it was a fairly successful pyramid scheme, and yes, I could become my own distributor for 40% off retail. Fantastic.

Then, the unexpected happened. A previously tubby guy walked into my office and started talking to me. I was...confused, disoriented. I wasn't really listening to him at all. When his mouth stopped moving I asked, "Did you recently lose a lot of weight?" Turns out he was on the 'Master Cleanse' (aka Lemonade Diet) for 10 days, and lost a total of 20 pounds. Very interesting indeed.

So I read about this 'diet' which is really nothing more than a liquid-fast for detox purposes. It claims you will never feel hungry, because you get everything you need from a mixture of fresh-squeezed lemon, un-refined maple syrup, and cayenne. Whatever. After a bit of research, we chose this one. I really put this diet to its limits to, as I tried to finish a five-pound bag of cheese and a pound of white-flour pasta 12-hours prior to starting. To further complicate things, I was going to give up tobacco and coffee both on the first day as well. Hey, had I not seen some previously-chunky fatty chin-wagging in my office, I'd mock this one too.

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