March 25th, 2008


Backing up

1999 - I was in my Neon stopped at Whataburger at the drive-thru in Denton, Texas and the group of us were snaked around the building as we made our way toward the window. Its kinda funny, I guess, but as each vehicle concluded their business at the window, each of us would move forward once space. INCLUDING THE PERSON IN FRONT OF ME. When the person in front of me had finally reached the drive-thru window to take possession on their order, they had done so by moving forward incrementally at the conclusion of the exchange of cash & goods transactions at the window. I was there for at least ten minutes, with five cars in front of me, and assume that the person in front of me had spent an equal amount of time there, getting the timing down: A car moves to the window, A car moves from the window, All cars move forward, taking the place of the car which just vacated the spot immediately in front of them - Repeat.

That's why I was awfully surprised when the car in front of me exited the window when their turn was over, changed their mind, then backed into me.

2002 - I was in Old Town Wichita, Kansas, behind a car at a stop sign in my Sebring. The car crept out, looking left, trying to determine if any traffic was coming. Crept out...crept out. Then saw traffic. They then did the only sensible thing. They put the car in reverse, and backed into me.

2004 - When I drove my wife's old Lumina I had a slow-leak in one of the tires that I was unable to get repaired for a week, so every morning I pulled up to the air pump at Allsups in Boyd, and filled the tire. One morning, there was a truck parked in the empty parking lot, facing the road, near the air pump, but not using it. I pulled my car in behind the truck, and filled the tire.

Two men came out of the store, and got in the truck sitting in the empty parking lot, facing the road, and backed up. Into my car.

2007 - My Tiburon was three days old when someone backed straight into the driver's side door as it was parked on the street.

2008 - This morning, dropping off the children at school and very nervous about her first day at work, a lady in a white truck (with - get this, flames on the side) backed into my wife's car. While she was sitting in it - Then drove off!

I ask you - how much more of this am I supposed to take?
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Gag me with a California Pizza

My wife's first day back at work in eight years didn't go off without a hitch. As mentioned previously, her car was backed into in the school parking lot. I, too have had my trials this morning, and they started early.

Having made my lunch, she placed it on my backpack, as I never go anywhere without it.

Except, apparently, this morning.

No worries - I'll go home for lunch. Yes, I live that close. But I was too busy! You see, my dear drax0r is offsite today. So, like the proverbial beaver, busy I stay. Too busy in fact, to leave - later than I normally would for lunch, and I'm leaving for the day at my new time of 1500. New schedules are very often disagreeable.

Enter the onsite cafeteria. I snatch a Monster quick-like from the shelf and look at the empty can in my hand. A belch confirms I've already consumed it. Awesome.


The last couple of months has given rise to an 'ethnic' bar here. And I don't mean Mexican food.

"Probably the biggest trend we're seeing with corporate events is what I call 'international grazing'-serving a bite of two or three little things, rather than a big plate of chicken or beef," says Bill Garrett, director of catering and special events for SMG Catering, food purveyors for the Long Beach (Calif.) Aquarium of the Pacific and the Long Beach Convention and Entertainment Center.

Things like, tikka masala, siga wot, and lots and lots of muffuletta and falafel.

I even asked them once, "Are you finding that this is successful?" Indicating of course that I did not. Regardless, if anything "good" came from this (the list of annoyances are long and distinguished) its what I like to call the "California Pizza." Thin crust, and lots of vegetables. Usually with an expensive cheese. Fan-freaking-tastic! Mushroom pizza, spinach pizza, squash pizza - always with freshly grilled veggies. And the mix & match are the best! Spinach with mushrooms, squash with mushrooms, today looked like mushrooms with mushrooms! Yummy!

Alas, it was not.

It was liver pizza.

Now, I like liver. With onions. And gravy.

Not on my pizza.

I think I'm going to be sick.
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