October 8th, 2009


The Goddess of Happiness

Each long, individual day I've worked has been been part of a longer, trying week, which in turn has been part of an even lengthier more trying month. I'm on my third or fourth week of 10-12 hour days, and they're starting to wear on me. Not that my contribution to the project has gone unnoticed or unappreciated, nor have I failed to acknowledge others on their part in the completion of this project - its quite satisfying working with such a professional team of people, each of us with our complimenting skill sets and strengths which, working together gleans the best from us. But the level of detail and sheer amount of work coupled with the duration of this project is simply beginning to take its toll on everyone.

Of course I can only speak for myself, but in life my role is ATTITUDE. It always has been. Its what I offer, and people are drawn to it. As a side-effect, some lesser peeps have been extrinsically motivated by it. Those I consider equals usually are not, as they have their own gifts they share with the world. But maintaining an overwhelmingly positive attitude takes a lot of energy. It drains me. That's not to say I would rather not do it - as it is my life's role I must, and unsurprisingly, I do so with a good attitude; begrudge not the part I play. Neither am I a perpetual vessel of unfettered joy.

As an introvert, my power source is solitude; the thing which recharges me to expend again and again in an endless dance of release and renewal. Yet its solitude which has eluded me these past several weeks. Work is generally a balance of thought and action; preparedness and intervention. There is little balance in this phase of the project however, requiring hands-on almost exclusively. I'm not bitching, but it has finally eradicated my enthusiasm, which led to my expressionist self-portrait which seemed to aptly portray my thoughts in a vehicle more succinct than either a poem or discourse alone. The outpouring of support was touching, and surprisingly solidified its denotation.

Because of this, I haven't been active online, nor have I kept up with responsibilities I signed up for that are not encompassed in that which is my livelihood, solely my job and my family. But fret not, I'll soon be back - and when I reach 100% percent again, I'll soothe your concerns with ease.

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