November 3rd, 2010

Texas

How to Get a Job in Texas


  1. Sign up for Texas Workforce Commission (TWC) our version of the Unemployment Insurance Office. Navigate their busted-assed web page to opt-in and enroll. If you can. Godspeed and good luck, you're going to need it.

  2. To the very L E T T E R follow all job-search criteria and rules (this is repeated a lot, so it must be important) - A minimum amount of employment needs to be searched via the TWC busted-assed engine, which can't seem to string any two search terms together. This is a REQUIREMENT.

  3. Put your resume on MONSTER.COM because they are MAGNIFICENT at allowing every single non-related WORK-FROM-HOME bullshit come as a legitimate offer. Looking to lick envelopes at home or take online surveys for cash? MONSTER.COM is a fucking goldmine!

  4. Be prepared to honestly consider MONSTER.COM's brick & mortar business offers...which are over six hundred miles away!!!!!

  5. Call TWC when they send you your first and last check (for $200) 18-months later to ask them why.

  6. Wait an additional 18-months for them to get back to you.

  7. Attend a mandatory half-day orientation to revoke any future payments because you haven't been active in 18-months and your spouse makes too much money.