December 6th, 2011


Double-Whammy 茶

"We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learned to bear its ills without being overcome by them." ~ Carl Jung

I am consistently amazed at not only everything I see around me, but everything I also experience no matter the size of that experience. I'm fascinated by the Kansas wind, and the depth of bone-chilling temperatures. I marvel at my children every single day - at their growth, and their articulation of the world as they view it. I shun all negative thoughts and live a full life alone, outside the hustle and bustle of community. That too, astounds all my senses. I never have to speak to anyone in person, outside my wife, my clone, and my children. Perfect.

Consider the recurring pattern in the following 3 examples:

  1. INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake.1

  2. They are not generally susceptible to catchphrases and do not recognize authority based on tradition, rank, or title.2

  3. Masterminds [INTJs] do not feel bound by established rules and procedures, and traditional authority does not impress them, nor do slogans or catchwords. Only ideas that make sense to them are adopted; those that don't, aren't, no matter who thought of them.3

Now consider this trait of a self-actualized person even if their personality type were the opposite of an INTJ:

Is strongly ethical and moral in individual (not necessarily conventional) ways; Is capable of detachment from culture4


The self-actualized individual does not conform to other people's ideas of happiness or contentment.5

It would appear that I have a double-dose of creating and living in my own reality - not letting my happiness be defined by anything other than myself, and certainly not being constrained by any convention whatsoever. Either one of the two traits would be enormously freeing, but both? Very nearly incomprehensible.

And speaking of happiness, codekitten left THE TOP 5 REGRETS OF THE DYING on my Relationships post, which covers a portion of self-actualization without actually addressing self-actualization and I was astonished to discover two things - one, that I have already accomplished four of the five, and secondly, that there was no mention whatsoever of religion or spirituality. Curious:

  1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
    • This was the most common regret of all.

  2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
    • Working from home 24x7 has provided me a wonderful opportunity to always be available for my children, but I'll have to get back to you on this one.

  3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
    • We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

      (I've done this myself recently and the jury is still out.)

  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
    • This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

People, I have been posting on this last one for years now. Its good to see I'm on the right track. WHY do so many disagree that happiness is entirely intrinsic? WHY do the rely solely upon external influences to be motivated? WHY do so many disagree that happiness is a choice? I've done my part in spreading the joy. I did it for years! I positively affected people - not like Jesus preaching to the masses, much more insidiously - spreading my happiness individually amongst others, and watching them light up one by one, spreading that happiness outward exponentially. Its always truly a sight to behold.

Yet many who read this will they think they too are happy, not understanding that true happiness is being content with what you have right now - today, not tomorrow, not some future date; today - being content emotionally, financially, even perhaps spiritually if that's your thing. If you cannot choose when you're happy and when you're not, you're not there yet - you're not truly happy until you are 100% effective at dialing it in on demand and maintaining it. If this concept seems foreign to you fine - but its not impossible, and its not magic. Its how happy, successful people live.

I've heard it said that if you don't experience sadness, or frustration how do you know what happiness really is? Really? Who here has not experienced those things already? And it not about not feeling sad, or angry, or frustrated - its absolutely about acknowledging them as such and then not letting them affect you. So yeah, I feel those things to from time to time, which must mean I am re-defining and re-asserting my happiness often. Ergo, I absolutely know what true happiness really is. Do you?

"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." ~ Albert Einstein.

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