Log in

No account? Create an account


Posted on 2008.07.10 at 09:00
Current Location: 75409
Current Music: Zimmer - The Da Vinci Code

This is going to be a difficult tale for me to tell. Not because I'm too close to it emotionally mind you, rather its going to hard for me to articulate to you exactly how everything fits together, as even I still cannot comprehend the twisted depths of such debilitating randomness, nor its underlying root cause.

All will be revealed.

I have this friend who has begun furtively leaving innocuous posts and comments and whatnot, then dropping 'clues' as to where these 'secret' missives can be found for decryption. The earliest recorded example of this was May 28th of this year:

Cryptodynamicist: you knew when I made my post that I wanted to talk, yet you were silent.
Unsuspecting_Passerby: I beg your pardon?
Unsuspecting_Passerby: I think you overestimate my mind-reading skills.
Cryptodynamicist: you knew something was up
Unsuspecting_Passerby: What exactly did you say that would make me think you wanted to talk?
Cryptodynamicist: You knew exactly where I was going with [post title].
Unsuspecting_Passerby: WHAT?
Unsuspecting_Passerby: WTF is [post title]?
Cryptodynamicist: my post
Cryptodynamicist: you read it, right?
Unsuspecting_Passerby: Yes. I didn't get the part where I should have guessed you wanted to talk.
Unsuspecting_Passerby: Could you please point me to it?
Cryptodynamicist: it was the title and the captions
Unsuspecting_Passerby: ...WTF?
Cryptodynamicist: I thought you knew I was referring to you
Unsuspecting_Passerby: I'm reading them now, and I have no fucking idea what you're talking about.
Unsuspecting_Passerby: I still don't see the connection.
Cryptodynamicist: ok, I was wrong about that too

All will be revealed.

After this, he began bragging about his new friends, and how much he was interacting with them. I mentioned that I not only read his posts daily, but check back often for new comments and over the last couple of weeks there hasn't been any activity whatsoever on his site. He told me that his new friends have been reading my journal as well, and have taken his side on a number of issues, then sent me a link to his profile. Sure enough, there were several new names I'd never seen before. I was eager to see the level of interaction mentioned previously - I do so enjoy meeting new people. Only...every new name was a Friends-locked journal with...no entries. We're these his imaginary friends? Now I was getting nervous. But as it played out, this was only the tip of the iceberg.

All will be revealed.

The weekend of June 28th I had the fortune to enjoy a rather lengthy phone conversation with him which started out normal enough - or at least typical for us. But toward the end of our hour-long talk, he began making arcane references to posts written with so much mystery surrounding them, they were not only to not be understood by just anyone reading them, more to the point, written specifically for people who would never read them! (I told you this would be difficult to articulate.) In this, he seemed to have found his victory. His hubris. His glory.

And yet all I get from him when pressed, is 'All will be revealed.'

Still reeling from this new revelation, three days ago, I get this AIM message:

Cryptodynamicist: you'll find what you're looking for in a place that you won't look and [another lj user] will likely be the one to tell you.
EricHowton: What are you talking about? What am I looking for?
Cryptodynamicist: I've been generous enough with you and the clues

This, and nothing more. When asked yesterday if I'd found it yet, I explained in very clear terms that I would read anything he wanted me to if he sent me a link but I wasn't going to seek out the unknown in an infinite number of places. Furthermore, I told him I'd questioned [another lj user] and he'd been all like, "WTF^^ mate?"

His rage nearly surpassed anything I've seen to date, and while I stuck to my word that I had no desire to seek out some "secret message" written to "someone who would never read it" viewable only by his "invisible friends" this seemed only to fuel his fire.

He keeps promising me posts in which 'All will be revealed' but to date, his borderline batshit-crazy ramblings reveal nothing but another layer of nonsensical psychosis. And every day that passes, another promise of full-disclosure, another empty whisper of 'All will be revealed.'

So with his last sane breath, he gave me his last clue, in bold, italicized capitalized text. It was the suggestion that [another lj user] *might* have a subscription that I don't have, which is how he would've been able to see it first to pass on to me.

Fearing now for my friends ability to operate outside an asylum, I scoured [another lj user]'s site, and came to the conclusion that his RSS Feed of PostSecret was the sole "subscription" he had that I did not. Tirelessly now, I delved into them during applicable date/time groups and uncovered what could only be the burden he, and he alone carries:

All has been revealed

My friend, if you're out there, reading this - I still think you're a loser.


galinda822 at 2008-07-10 14:18 (UTC) (Link)
Disgusting! Now I think he's even more of a friggin freak than I did before!
ehowton at 2008-07-10 14:21 (UTC) (Link)
I'm not naming names.
Melancthe the Woe, So-Called
melancthe at 2008-07-10 14:44 (UTC) (Link)
Wow. I can't believe he admitted to the latter part of his secret! In public! I'm just ... wow.

What a sad little man. :(
ehowton at 2008-07-10 14:46 (UTC) (Link)

I'm NOT naming names.
Joshua Gizelt
swashbuckler332 at 2008-07-10 20:20 (UTC) (Link)
Truly a pathetic creature.

And I'm not talking about his sexual history, either, although that is pathetic as well.
ehowton at 2008-07-10 21:11 (UTC) (Link)
Its been suggested he may erupt into some semblance of an evil genius. Only time, of course, will tell. But you know what they say, if you're not an evil genius by the time you're eleven years old, you never will be.
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2008-07-10 23:33 (UTC) (Link)
Dude, you got it all wrong!!!

He did not have a secret message for you.

He had a secret massage for you!!!
ehowton at 2008-07-11 00:07 (UTC) (Link)
That makes a lot of sense, actually.
Complete and Utter Nonsense
jesskd26 at 2008-07-11 02:45 (UTC) (Link)
You make me giggle.
ehowton at 2008-07-11 12:14 (UTC) (Link)
I just report, as accurately as possible, what I uncover. To that end, ma'am, the story source makes you giggle - not me. I'll have to try to somehow live with that.
irulan_amy at 2008-07-11 03:54 (UTC) (Link)


*shakes head* I don't even have appropriate remarks/insults.
ehowton at 2008-07-11 12:17 (UTC) (Link)
During my research of PostSecret, I came across the rule that it must be completely truthful and must never have been spoken before. I think, based upon my find, that I'm going to start a new site, and call it, "PostSecretion."
photogoot at 2008-07-11 05:46 (UTC) (Link)
ehowton at 2008-07-11 12:29 (UTC) (Link)
While initially shocking, I think, were you to analyze what you know, you'd find this behavior wholly unsurprising. We all, each of us, have our different strengths and weaknesses. And while you and I have honed our paragnosis into a desirable commodity called, "class" others proclivities tend to be measured at the far end of the scale.
(Anonymous) at 2008-08-03 02:16 (UTC) (Link)

I should say

I agreed with you
(Anonymous) at 2008-08-03 02:19 (UTC) (Link)

Re: I should say

You must be laying around rubbing your pussy tonight "Back Reading". Pathetic really.
(Anonymous) at 2008-09-23 10:40 (UTC) (Link)

well done

i am gonna show this to my friend, bro
ehowton at 2008-09-23 14:15 (UTC) (Link)

Re: well done

I'm glad you liked it, anonymous commenter.
(Anonymous) at 2008-09-28 16:12 (UTC) (Link)

thanks much

favorited this one, brother
ehowton at 2008-09-28 20:33 (UTC) (Link)

Re: thanks much

Friend the anonymous commenter mentioned above, perhaps?
Previous Entry  Next Entry