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There's no fate but what we make for ourselves.

Posted on 2008.08.08 at 02:30
Current Location: 75409
Current Music: Batman Begins
Tags: ,

As I sit at my desk, unable to sleep; the shroud of darkness fills me - no, overwhelms me. Silence is complete. Like waves of sound being absorbed by fresh, untrodden snow, so is it as night falls...when you're all alone. I remove the mask I wear, of life without reproach. Half of what defines me has yet to be written. My youth having been spent as it was, and not counting the present, I look forward to my future. What will I harvest then? What have I sewn? Have I made the right decisions - have I clung too long to a throne I have no right to occupy? So easy to judge others, less so one's self. When its time to pay the piper, what will I have to show? A legacy of pride is every man's hope. The clock stops ticking, hung upon the wall. But life continues regardless. In it my place shall be.

Gnashing of teeth, clothes rent - I plan on what's to come, being as exciting as what was. Its hard to gauge the present. Life moves so fast. We can learn from our mistakes, moving ever onward. But the future's never clear. Nor as crystal as the past. That's not to say what we do today isn't going to assist us; for what good is tomorrow's optimism at the expense of today's half-empty glass? Fortify yourself now, in preparation for what may come - but ensure you tear down the walls you've already put around you during your last transgressions, lest they collapse upon you at the trumpet's blast.

The scroll of my life is laid before me with markings halfway up the page, were I to fold it in half, and make a ghost of an impression on the other side, that would surely be an accurate depiction of that which has not yet been written. And because I filled my life with laughter and honor, to end that way shall be my reward. Those who have led less exemplary lives are surely doomed to repeat it. Although, there are those who will roll it back up; neither wanting, nor caring what has been - rolling the dice of the future with the fates.

There are things which could destroy me. I think on them often. A pauper's grave is not one of them, though a very real eventuality. Living each day as if it were your last must be tempered with the possibility that we will live forever. A daunting task for any who juggle existence. Betwixt the grindstone and our desires is where life truly takes place, and happiness I fear will never be found by those who pursue only one or the other. We all have our comfort zones in this race, and flirting with the other side can, at times, be exciting. But if you're not true to yourself, why bother with any of it?


catttitude at 2008-08-08 13:57 (UTC) (Link)
You were board last night?
ehowton at 2008-08-08 14:02 (UTC) (Link)
I was happy and sad - wide awake and exhausted. My mind was going a thousand miles an hour with no results. I drank lots of water, and took in a lot of nicotine. I was alive in the quiet darkness - the office doors closed, feeling closer to myself than I have in a long time; enjoying the serenity of oneness. But it always comes with a price. I love you.
catttitude at 2008-08-08 19:55 (UTC) (Link)
You could have done the laundry and the dishes. I could give you a list of stuff to keep you busy. That is why I have no trouble sleeping. I am so tired from all the chores we have to do all the time.
ehowton at 2008-08-08 20:43 (UTC) (Link)
Already started.
galinda822 at 2008-08-08 18:18 (UTC) (Link)
"In life pain is inevitable, suffering is optional".
ehowton at 2008-08-08 19:33 (UTC) (Link)
Difficult to put into practice, but ultimately beneficial. Well said, ma'am.
galinda822 at 2008-08-09 14:24 (UTC) (Link)
If only I could practice that better. *sigh*
catttitude at 2008-08-08 19:56 (UTC) (Link)
I never suffer and I cause allot of pain.
ehowton at 2008-08-08 20:43 (UTC) (Link)
I'll vouch for that.
galinda822 at 2008-08-09 14:23 (UTC) (Link)
You go sis! You're way of "kickin' ass"! :)
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