ehowton (ehowton) wrote,

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There's no fate but what we make for ourselves.

As I sit at my desk, unable to sleep; the shroud of darkness fills me - no, overwhelms me. Silence is complete. Like waves of sound being absorbed by fresh, untrodden snow, so is it as night falls...when you're all alone. I remove the mask I wear, of life without reproach. Half of what defines me has yet to be written. My youth having been spent as it was, and not counting the present, I look forward to my future. What will I harvest then? What have I sewn? Have I made the right decisions - have I clung too long to a throne I have no right to occupy? So easy to judge others, less so one's self. When its time to pay the piper, what will I have to show? A legacy of pride is every man's hope. The clock stops ticking, hung upon the wall. But life continues regardless. In it my place shall be.

Gnashing of teeth, clothes rent - I plan on what's to come, being as exciting as what was. Its hard to gauge the present. Life moves so fast. We can learn from our mistakes, moving ever onward. But the future's never clear. Nor as crystal as the past. That's not to say what we do today isn't going to assist us; for what good is tomorrow's optimism at the expense of today's half-empty glass? Fortify yourself now, in preparation for what may come - but ensure you tear down the walls you've already put around you during your last transgressions, lest they collapse upon you at the trumpet's blast.

The scroll of my life is laid before me with markings halfway up the page, were I to fold it in half, and make a ghost of an impression on the other side, that would surely be an accurate depiction of that which has not yet been written. And because I filled my life with laughter and honor, to end that way shall be my reward. Those who have led less exemplary lives are surely doomed to repeat it. Although, there are those who will roll it back up; neither wanting, nor caring what has been - rolling the dice of the future with the fates.

There are things which could destroy me. I think on them often. A pauper's grave is not one of them, though a very real eventuality. Living each day as if it were your last must be tempered with the possibility that we will live forever. A daunting task for any who juggle existence. Betwixt the grindstone and our desires is where life truly takes place, and happiness I fear will never be found by those who pursue only one or the other. We all have our comfort zones in this race, and flirting with the other side can, at times, be exciting. But if you're not true to yourself, why bother with any of it?

Tags: goals, philosophy

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