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Posted on 2008.09.30 at 06:45
Current Location: 75409
Current Music: Snap! - Welcome to Tomorrow

I took my wife's car in to the dealership for an oil change Tuesday. Later that evening, I received a call to ask me about the quality of my service in form of a short survey over the phone. The moment I agreed, I was told, "The choices are on a scale between one and five, five being Excellent. Please keep in mind that any area not marked, Excellent is considered a failing grade."

"Its ashame you're not given any increments for success." I said. "If everything is always Excellent then how can you strive to succeed further? How can you push yourself if you're either always failing, or always excellent? Surely there has to be some middle ground? Some way to better gauge yourself?"

With no response to that, the caller told me she would take my comments to management, and I completed the survey. The very next day, Wednesday, I took my car to the dealership for an oil change. Later that evening, I received a call to ask me about the quality of my service in form of short survey over the phone. I explained that I had taken my wife's car in the day before, and had completed that survey.

"So...you don't want to take this one?" the caller asked.

"Oh, I do. Very much so, but my answers haven't changed over the course of 24-hours. Please use yesterday's survey to answer this one."

"I.Can't.Do.That. This is for a different car."

"Yes, but it was the same service people, performing the same service, one day later. Your questions don't concern the specific vehicle, rather, the service surrounding that, which was unchanged given the 24-hour difference. My answers stand."

"So...you don't want to take the survey?"

"I do want the survey submitted, with the very simple understanding that it is possible the same answers can and do apply after the passing of only a single day. Let me ask you - what are some examples of things you think could change overnight that would cause me to give you different results?"

"So...you don't want to take the survey?"


Joshua Gizelt
swashbuckler332 at 2008-09-30 12:18 (UTC) (Link)


They must have dropped theirs in the rush during the Blue Light special...?

Edited at 2008-09-30 12:19 pm (UTC)
ehowton at 2008-09-30 17:09 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Requiem

This is your brain. This is your brain while working a call center.
Joshua Gizelt
swashbuckler332 at 2008-10-01 11:58 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Requiem

What I find most amusing about people that work in a call center is that as long as you remain courteous when you go off-script, they have no idea of how to deal with it. They deal with people being angry at them by switching onto that "I'm sorry you feel that way" track, but you're completely pleasant the whole way through, it confuses them to know end. It's interesting that it is so blatantly binary, either you're playing their game with a predictable response or not.
ehowton at 2008-10-01 13:02 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Requiem

Excellent observation. It does seem to go against the grain.
Joshua Gizelt
swashbuckler332 at 2008-10-01 20:53 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Requiem

I have done a lot of research in how telemarketers react to different stimuli, mostly conducted when I was living with my parents or way back when I still had a landline in my apartment.

For example, I have found that you can easily make them uncomfortable by talking about the rash that you're picking at (actual rash is optional). You can really confuse them with the "Cosa Nostra" ploy (inspired by Mad Magazine) in which you inform them that the 'boss' is not pleased about having his meeting interrupted and would like to send a couple of his boys over to have a little chat with whomever is responsible. Or you can explain to them how you and your girlfriend were just getting intimate when they called and how now you have to work to regain the mood. Or, if they actually ask for somebody in the household, you can inform them of their horrible, gory death in a freak lawnmower accident a few weeks prior.

I have no compunctions about doing these things to telemarketers because their profession proves that they're not really human beings.
galinda822 at 2008-09-30 14:27 (UTC) (Link)
They obviously are not allowed to deviate from the script they're given. Anything else does not compute.
ehowton at 2008-09-30 17:08 (UTC) (Link)
So...you don't want to take the survey?
galinda822 at 2008-09-30 19:16 (UTC) (Link)
Uh! No thanks. I don't have time right now. *click*
texas_tangent at 2008-09-30 15:41 (UTC) (Link)
Even though you probably rolled your eyes over the whole ordeal, I want to say it made me chuckle. Thanks for the laugh this morning.

ehowton at 2008-09-30 17:08 (UTC) (Link)
I oftentimes set myself up for these types of things.
Melancthe the Woe, So-Called
melancthe at 2008-09-30 17:30 (UTC) (Link)
It's nice to know stupidity is the same all over the world.

And by "nice", I actually mean OMGWTF.
ehowton at 2008-09-30 17:43 (UTC) (Link)
Maybe its just me. Sometimes I like to play 'Not the Lemming.'
Melancthe the Woe, So-Called
melancthe at 2008-09-30 17:55 (UTC) (Link)
You rebel, you. ;)
(Anonymous) at 2008-10-01 22:05 (UTC) (Link)

Eric, welcome to reality

For goodness sakes mate, life is stupid, don't get angry about it, just sit back and think of your favourite happy place!

(note the use of "mate" and the spelling? Who am I? Mwuhahahah!)

And as for using the output of prtdiag as your background ... Meh!

Still, kudos for how cool you look in the photos, and for the MASSIVE cigar! Even though I'd packed up smoking at the time, I still remember the gorgeous smell in the cigar shop in Wichita that you took me to ... and the MASSIVE servings in the pasta place, was it Spaghetti Factory?

And seriously, if your mate fixed your car, you wouldn't be asked to rate him either 1-4 = failed or 5 = excellent, so why should you be put in the position of doing the same to your local car shop when they've always been good to you in the past?

Party on dude!

ehowton at 2008-10-01 22:15 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Eric, welcome to reality

Always good to hear from the other side of the pond - and someone who recognizes a prtdiag to boot! And I don't get angry - I just enjoy passing on my more ridiculous experiences to you, my gentle readers. Good to see you around - tell the others I said, "Howdy?"

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