Quick to the point to the point no faking
I'm cooking MC's like a pound of bacon.
drax0r gave me the Swine Flu. That hog-like bastard arrives on my doorstep coughing and wheezing Thursday night and I wanted to send him home. But just like the enormous white sow in the room no one wants to talk about, he comes in and gets settled - like that filthy hunk of mucus on the Mucinex® commercials. Come Saturday, and I have the tell-tale tickle in the back of my throat.
Saturday I had planned to do the yard again. Every weekend this month, actually. And while the mower would start, it would not run. I pulled off the housing and inspected the spark-plug and air-filter, determining both of them required replacing. I downloaded the engine pdf and couldn't find a fuel-filter, so let that be. A quick run to Lowe's and back, and I was in business. Another downloaded pdf, this one the Rain-Bird E6c automatic sprinkler system, reprogrammed that and watered the lawn after fertilizing.
I had a foreboding feeling about my overall health after my shower, feeling weaker than usual. I didn't think about that bearded pig until the tickle. Then I started cursing his name. As if giving me his Swine Flu weren't enough, you know what he did at the height of my misery? Called me and invited me over for beer! He'd just cracked an ice-cold keg of Dos Equis.
My name is Eric, and I live in a Swine Flu Border-State.
Also, swine-flu + twitter on http://xkcd.com/574.