ehowton (ehowton) wrote,


Nitrous Oxide (N20):

  1. Mild anesthesia in medical, aka Laughing Gas

  2. More powerful combustion in racing; NOS

  3. An oxidizer in freaking rocket motors

  4. Now creates the "carbonation" in the new MONSTER Nitrous?

That's right - MONSTER is now nitrogenated in their new line of mind-bending 'Nitrous' energy drinks. What does this mean to you? A smooth, creamy texture that only you fans of European stout will be familiar with. And to take advantage of this new process, four new flavors to bring out the best and worse of creamy smooth MONSTER, complete with an upgraded kick. Its telekinesis in a can. (Verification of my outrageous claims concerning the seemingly impossible feats of which MONSTER is capable can be found on The Original MONSTER Post.)
The new cans are but average capacity 12oz. cans utilizing the same cap can design as their 24oz. XXL/Mega sized sisters with a twist - they pack the same punch as the 16-ouncers! The three new soda flavors are Super Dry (sweet and sour lime), Killer B (honey and citrus), and Anti-Gravity (orange-mango). Very unfortunately, though the honey and citrus sound promising, the only thing more revolting than its pungent taste, is the hint of bile in its aroma. I do not suggest you try this variant.
The most useful application of this new process is found in their 6.75oz. X-Press "Hammer" espresso+energy. This canned espresso is made in the Netherlands and really benefits from the nitrous, making it a very creamy coffee drink. Starbucks eat your heart out! Bar none the best canned coffee I've ever had. Smooth and creamy with a bit of a froth which stays with you for the duration of the can. I'd buy it just for the best canned coffee, but knowing it also contains MONSTER'S proprietary consciousness-altering energy blend just makes it that much more satisfying. Understand you're nearly ten full ounces away from the original Java Monster so if its volume you're looking for, you won't find it here.
And while not nitrogenated, MONSTER 'Import' (18.6oz. can) is more than just a fancy label and unqiue re-sealable top which keeps your bubbly all fizzy and stuff. While the advertising suggest its more "European" flavored, as I've lived in Europe, I don't see it. Regardless, its eerily similar to the original MONSTER with a a slightly heavier taste - which means drinking a can of this will allow you to see into the future, effortlessly seduce women, and - if you so desire, ascend to a higher plain of existence. That being said, use with caution!
I recently came upon a beast of mythical proportions
Which I knew could not be slayed
I hadn't slept in a fortnight,
So I got down on my knees and prayed

I said "My name's Johnny and it might be a sin"
"But I'll take your bet, your gonna regret, 'cos I'm the best that's ever been."

I waited unsure, the beast approached;
A can of MONSTER materialized
Dumbstruck at my luck I gave it a pluck
As the can was floating before my very eyes

I popped that bitch and synthesized its contents;
Looked into the creatures soul
What a strange turn of events -
I comprehended its joy and its pain, then caused it to implode.

One's only conclusion you can accurately reach
Is that second only to making sweet love
The origin of this drink is clear to see
MONSTER's distilled from above.

Verification that my words are true from a 3rd party experience.

The Official Drink of Anna, TX.

My hosted HOWTO video ;)

The Original MONSTER Post.

Tags: monster, picturebook

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