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Absinthe

Make Your Own Reality

Posted on 2009.11.24 at 07:55
Current Location: 75409
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If you ever go down Trinidad
They make you feel so very glad;
Calypso sing and make up rhyme
Guarantee you one real good fine time



Jägerbombs. Fairybombs. Is the Food & Drug Administration going to make those illegal to drink in your own home? Are they going to start arming their body armor clad agents with P90s roaming for busts? What if you have a bottle of Jägermeister in your home, and also a can of Red Bull? Will this be considered paraphernalia and therefore cause for arrest?

Probably not. At least not yet. However, the FDA doesn't remember approving pre-mixed alcoholic energy drinks. Yes, they exist. Flavored malt beverages with the same time-shifting formula as in energy drinks. Think alcoholic Monster or Budweiser Energy.

But are they safe to drink? The FDA doesn't think so. Therefore, I set out to do a little experimenting on my own, volunteering my own body for science (the things I won't put in my body is a short list indeed).

There are some of my readers who eschew empirical data as flawed. Despite what I actually experience, they prefer whitepaper studies while never experiencing anything first hand themsevles, ever. Arrogant? Yes - these are the same people who'll argue with me about what I've experienced if it differs from what they've read. These pantophobics should not be allowed internet connections.

Here we go.

Sparks (The Steel Brewing Company) comes in both 6.0% and 7.0% alcohol by volume and tastes fantastic next to two 12% drinks, MAX Live (The Max Beverage Company) and Earthquake High Gravity Lager (Drink Four Brewing Company). All three came in gigantic 24-ounce cans.

I downed the Sparks on an empty stomach and immediately felt at peace. A depth of peace within myself, and with the world. It was very soothing having so much peace in me, and I wished more people had as much peace in their life as I was experiencing, because then we'd all just get along. I wanted to reach out and touch people. Physically touch them. I wanted to show them my peace.

I didn't feel dangerous, or threatening.

I was feeling so good about myself in fact, and everyone else on this planet, that I had a longing to drink another. A deep thirst ached from within and no amount of liquid would sate it. I needed another caffeinated alcoholic beverage. I upended Earthquake, got queasy, and passed out at an unprecedented 1900 hours. How very unexpected.

Drank the MAX Live the next day. Let me tell you, these drinks are one wild ride. I mean, they are a lot of fun. And cheap? These things are pretty inexpensive. Like a 40 of malt liquor inexpensive, but way more fun. Dangerous? Probably. More dangerous than anything else in your house? Unlikely. So who's responsibility is is to ensure you're drinking responsibly? If you answered, "The Federal Government" you deserve everything you get. Now go sit in the corner.

Several recent scientific studies published in peer reviewed journals demonstrate the dangers of mixing caffeine and alcohol. As these studies show, stimulants such as caffeine appear to mask the intoxicating effects of alcohol, which may lead to increased risk-taking and other serious alcohol-related problems such as traffic accidents, violence, sexual assault, and suicide.

From the above FDA statement, its clear to me that recent scientific studies don't demonstrate shit. I'm not upset by the FDA's motivation, rather their audacity. They're not dumb enough to suggest that violence and suicide don't take place without mixing caffeine and alcohol, but by only providing negative side-effects as a mere possibility they're doing me a great disservice.

The Andrew Sisters should be arrested. Suggesting one mix rum with Coke is akin to treason. So grab a case of these bad boys before they fly off the shelves, and vote to severely limit the Federal Government. Sure your risk-taking might increase. You might also find the love of your life, or discover a hidden talent. A little risk is healthy every now and then.

Just...always wear protection when you're wrestling with the Green Fairy ;)




Comments:


Melancthe the Woe, So-Called
melancthe at 2009-11-24 14:19 (UTC) (Link)
... the saturation on your icon, especially the lips, kinda scares me. D:

And I had some Monster for breakfast, and it made me all twitchy. And not in a fun-and-sexy kind of way either.
ehowton
ehowton at 2009-11-24 16:11 (UTC) (Link)
... the saturation on your icon, especially the lips, kinda scares me. D:
Thank you! I worked on it all weekend (after chugging copious amounts of alcoholic energy drinks obviously).

...it made me all twitchy. And not in a fun-and-sexy kind of way either.
Might I suggest a glass of wine to offset the effects?
Samantha
thesweetestnote at 2009-11-24 16:09 (UTC) (Link)

Workin' for the Yankee dollar

First off - the Icon rocks! I'd wrestle her anyday!

I will be volunteering my body to science and trying one of these fabulous drinks. Some time during this week. That Sparks sure sounds like smoking a bowl. I swear you described it to a T.

The Fed's need to legalize!
ehowton
ehowton at 2009-11-24 18:52 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

First off - the Icon rocks!
Thanks! I was high on alcoholic energy drinks when I made her.

I'd wrestle her anyday!
She's not *really* wrestling.

I will be volunteering my body to science and trying one of these fabulous drinks.
Its so worth it! I can't wait to try other exciting activities on my person.

...sounds like smoking a bowl. I swear you described it to a T.
Interesting seeing that I've never done illegal drugs. Guess now I don't have to! *reminds self to purchase case of Sparks for long-term storage*
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2009-11-24 18:53 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

If what you say is true, it's possible that that you're already engaging in illegal activity with your combo drinks.
ehowton
ehowton at 2009-11-24 18:57 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

According to the article, "...companies have 30 days to convince [the FDA] that caffeinated alcoholic beverages are safe and legal, because they don't seem to remember approving them."

I just need to buy some more.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2009-11-24 19:23 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

I really wished you would have linked to the article so we could see the entire thing for ourselves, not just the one paragraph that you chose to excerpt.
ehowton
ehowton at 2009-11-24 20:30 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

Me to! The contents, however were sent to me via email minus a source.

INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH by searching for FDA and the first sentence in the "one paragraph I chose to excerpt" I got multiple results (as well as, unfortunately, this entry) one of which was the letter to the FDA outside the article which follows up my quote with, "There is no consensus of opinion that the use of caffeine in alcoholic beverages is safe."

To me, that can be read as, "There is no consensus of opinion that the use of caffeine in alcoholic beverages is unsafe." (emphasis mine).

Again - they've worded it in such a way to cause panic. In my humble opinion the FDA ought to be way smarter than that.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2009-11-24 20:39 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

So let me get this straight: you use an un-sourced excerpt from a letter without fact-checking it and then when asked to cite your source you still can't link to it, expecting people to just Google the information? Impressive.
ehowton
ehowton at 2009-11-24 20:44 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

I trusted my source. The point of this entry wasn't to validate or invalidate that source.

I'm sorry you missed that.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2009-11-24 20:46 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

Instead of me wasting time writing out a thoughtful, researched, cited response to this post, why don't I just say, "You have no idea what you're talking about. Just Google FDA and you'll see you're wrong!"? That's what you're advocating here.
ehowton
ehowton at 2009-11-24 20:50 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

Again, not the point of this entry.

You're suggesting that the article doesn't exist - it does, and I trust my source. Ergo, I'm not advocating anything close to what you're suggesting.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2009-11-24 20:54 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

By your own admission, your source is Google!

Edited at 2009-11-24 08:57 pm (UTC)
ehowton
ehowton at 2009-11-24 21:00 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

I'm sorry, but that's incorrect. As mentioned above, it came to me via email, minus its origin. I trust the person who cut & pasted it to me from the article in which he read it, and its more than adequate for the purpose of this entry.

Once again, the validity of the information is not in question and questioning it further is not conducive to your opinion on the matter.
Samantha
thesweetestnote at 2009-11-25 01:21 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

Fox News does it all the time.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2009-11-25 01:27 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

You mean CBS. They were the ones with Memogate.
Samantha
thesweetestnote at 2009-11-25 01:34 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

I have a strong distaste for the media and government agencies in general.
ehowton
ehowton at 2009-11-25 02:03 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

You mean CBS.

Cite your source or it didn't happen! And don't cite a source I don't trust or it didn't happen!

(Oh wait, I sound kinda like an asshole.)

Disregard.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2009-11-25 02:09 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

I have no problem citing my sources: Exhibit A Exhibit B.
ehowton
ehowton at 2009-11-25 02:20 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

Not my point.
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2009-11-25 02:22 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

Indeed not. But I did serve mine. Surely you see this.
Samantha
thesweetestnote at 2009-11-25 01:20 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Workin' for the Yankee dollar

Those fuckers are always trying to scare us! I highly recommend seeing the documentary "In Pot We Trust"
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2009-11-24 18:46 (UTC) (Link)
I have several remarks I want to make on this post, but it will first require gathering those thoughts, research and will likely be lengthy covering the topics. I think it might be best to write a blog in response.
ehowton
ehowton at 2009-11-24 18:48 (UTC) (Link)
How about a hint of what you're thinking?
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2009-11-24 18:52 (UTC) (Link)
Whether or not the FDA falls under the General Welfare Clause and if indeed the 14th Amendment is viable; whether this should be a problem for the States to solve individually; whether the FDA should be disbanded. There needs to be a discussion of Article I, Section 1.

Also, there may be a discussion of the legislation circulating on the Hill that will turn the FDA into the Food Safety Administration and the Drug Administration.

Edited at 2009-11-24 06:54 pm (UTC)
ehowton
ehowton at 2009-11-24 18:54 (UTC) (Link)
Aye. I've heard rumors of that last bit turning into a reality. On one hand, I appreciate the protection they sometimes afford us. On the other, they're a political entity which assumes an agenda and requires more oversight than they probably have.

I look forward to your post!
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2009-11-24 19:24 (UTC) (Link)
they're a political entity which assumes an agenda and requires more oversight than they probably have.
You hit the nail on the head!
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