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Texas Olive Ranch

Posted on 2010.05.17 at 21:50
Current Location: 75409
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So this new manager (we'll call him, "POW!") comes in one Monday with a bottle of olive oil tucked under his arm, and he sets it on his desk. Invariably, we ask him about it. Once enough interest is generated, and not unlike a snake-oil salesman, he cracks the top and introduces us to mesquite-smoked olive oil, made right here in Texas. He bought it at our local Farmer's Market over the past weekend.

Let's not forget my fascination with Shiner's Smokehaus or more recently discovering the beer which started it all, real German rauchbier. I'm all about the smoke, people, and the gorgeous aroma emanating from this bottle of oil was just the tip of the olive. Let me explain...

There was some muckety-muck coming to town for one of those corporate "All Hands" meetings which I normally don't attend. They're more like publicity stunts than anything else, and effect no real, lasting change. Its a feel-good meeting is all. And I explained to the new manager that this is why I wasn't planning on being there - then I said, "But you're impassioned speech in the meeting the other day turned all that around for me - so much so in fact, that I RSVP'd. I'll be there!" Looking confused and trying to recall such "impassioned" words he finally asked, "Is this about the pizza I'm ordering?"

Not to sully my compliment, but yes, it was. "Chicago Street" pizza here in McKinney was voted "Better Than The Real Thing" when our very own drax0r took the train to Boston a couple of years ago and stopped in Chicago asking native Chicagans, "WHERE IS YOUR BEST EXAMPLE OF CHICAGO-STYLE PIZZA?" He ate a slice at Gino's East and declared "Chicago Street" pizza better. That's good enough for me. But I digress.

So it was as if this new manager, POW! was sent from the heavens to bless those of us who like to eat, when he suggested, almost innocently, "Hey, why don't we bring that mesquite-smoked olive oil to the pizza party to dip our crusts in like the Macaroni Grill?" We all stood there, slack-jawed at him. This was no mere mortal we were in the presence of, and we did just that.

The one caution he had was, "It might be a little bold for a dipping oil." He couldn't have been more right, or more wrong. The one problem I have personally with "smoked" foodstuffs is NOT ENOUGH SMOKE. This was overwhelmingly smoke-filled and fantastic because of it. There must've been half a dozen of us with our snouts down in our plates trying to lap up every last drop of oily goodness, and we shared a moment of silence when the pizza was gone.

I wanted to immolate myself with the oil as my accelerant but instead was honored as coronet bearer, transporting the bottle back to our desks while I stood slightly behind, and to the left of POW! I wished I had a little pillow on which to rest it as I displayed it proudly down the hall.

That next weekend my family and I found ourselves downtown, and we beeline'd to the Farmer's Market where I hunted high and low for that precious, precious vendor of bottled happiness. But POW! had beaten me to it. With his otherworldly ways, he'd preceded me and bought them all out. I introduced myself and was immediately recognized as an agent of the now-infamous pizza party, and was sold a bottle of garlic olive oil, a bottle of basil olive oil, and a bottle of *ahem* freaking "rattlesnake" chipotle & red pepper olive oil!

My dear readers - please understand when I tell you that this very night I ate the Best Eggs I Have Ever Eaten. And I eat a lot of eggs. I heated up the griddle and cracked two free-range eggs in a glass measuring cup, blending them on low with the hand beater. Then I added about an eighth of a cup of the rattlesnake and blended it on high for only seconds. I put another eighth of cup on the griddle and spread it out with the bottom of a flat spatula and poured the mixture atop it. Sprinkling the exposed, uncooked egg with cheese, I folded the flaps onto each other before turning the omelette once and served it atop a toasted whole wheat English muffin.

With so many fantastic oils, I'll never buy plain EVOO again. Its just not worth my happiness.

Olive You



CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2010-05-18 03:32 (UTC) (Link)
I think you may have a food addiction!!!
ehowton at 2010-05-18 11:59 (UTC) (Link)
Perhaps, but that hasn't stopped me from losing on average 2-lbs. a week since January. I'll have lost 45-pounds by the end of this week. Yes, I had bulked up to "fatass" over the holidays.
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2010-05-18 22:18 (UTC) (Link)
Just over the holidays you say. Yay...yay, I buy that one. uh-ugh!!!
ehowton at 2010-05-19 12:25 (UTC) (Link)
Its like you don't even know me.
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2010-05-19 22:30 (UTC) (Link)
Au contraire, Mon frere!!! I know you too well.
ehowton at 2010-05-20 01:43 (UTC) (Link)
Bébé parle avec un accent Français.
irulan_amy at 2010-05-18 04:31 (UTC) (Link)
Um. YUM. I am envious of your olive oil discovery. Those flavors all sound good, but especially the rattlestnake oil. And dear goodness you can buy it online. I'm thinking about it!
ehowton at 2010-05-18 12:01 (UTC) (Link)
Words alone cannot describe the joy in my mouth. Well, maybe some detailed erotic euphemisms could :D
thesweetestnote at 2010-05-18 05:49 (UTC) (Link)
DAG NAB IT!!!! Another item I want to try and may never find in this part of the state. ':\
ehowton at 2010-05-18 11:57 (UTC) (Link)
Be sure to write down the address for when you load up the Hyundai for your Road Tour of Texas. Yeah, I've heard you mention it from time to time ;)
thesweetestnote at 2010-05-19 16:45 (UTC) (Link)
LOL. Indeed I have :D Hopefully this summer.
dawaioser at 2010-05-18 11:25 (UTC) (Link)
Hmmm...that sounds delicious and I may have to order it online once the budget settles down. >;)
ehowton at 2010-05-18 11:55 (UTC) (Link)
You do seem to be up this way quite a bit so I'll tell you a secret; they're 3-for-$25 (no tax or shipping) when you get from the Farmer's Market. Now that's worth writing home about (and just about the price of plain EVOO from the supermarket...)
(Anonymous) at 2010-05-18 17:23 (UTC) (Link)

Olive oil

Oh my, these oils loked really good And can be ordered on line! Good for a Texan stranded in Virginia. Thanks for the link!
ehowton at 2010-05-18 17:34 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Olive oil

Oh absolutely! I don't know if it came across properly in my post or not, but these oils are without equal - especially the mesquite-smoked ;)

(Deleted comment)
ehowton at 2010-05-24 16:43 (UTC) (Link)

Always good to see you

Well look what !SHULTZ! drug in...
(Deleted comment)
ehowton at 2010-05-24 16:55 (UTC) (Link)

If you don't know the answer...

kat_rowe at 2010-05-27 00:05 (UTC) (Link)
back when I could still tolerate heat, I would be all over that egg recipe. sounds just great :)
ehowton at 2010-05-27 01:51 (UTC) (Link)
Sadly, the rattlesnake isn't hot. Its just...flavorful.
kat_rowe at 2010-05-27 05:18 (UTC) (Link)
well, flavor is less iffy for me than spice ... maybe I'll see what we have in this area in terms of locally-modified oils. we're close enough to the upscale, snobby places like Parma and Solon that we just might have some decent Local options (is a sucker for Local)
ehowton at 2010-05-27 12:21 (UTC) (Link)
And as with everything ("green," "organic," & yes, "local") I'm a HUGE fan if its A.) better or B.) less expensive.

I won't go out of my way to buy shitty and/or expensive local products just because their local. You want my business - don't suck ;)
kat_rowe at 2010-05-27 18:11 (UTC) (Link)
oh, totally *nods* that's the nice thing about living in the Farm Belt; if local grower A sucks, he's got eight million competitors I can go to
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