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Posted on 2010.10.25 at 11:10
Current Location: 75070

No good deed goes unpunished. Or so I've been told. I don't really buy into that, though it is occasionally fitting. I laugh aloud at others who have drama in their life because frankly, I have none.

At least that was the case prior to my weekend Halloween party. In an oh-so roundabout way, it made it to my ears that I was responsible for a marriage breaking up because...I kissed another man's wife. The husband reportedly witnessed it himself!


I'll be the first to admit that sounds EXACTLY like something I would do - there goes my "I could never do something like that" defense :/ One of the hazards of being a shameless flirt. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Several months ago, after one of our Sandlot softball games, we cracked a box of wine and several couples showed up. It was a nice night so we sat outside. At some point, one of the ladies stood up, said her goodbyes, and started walking home. My wife jumped my ass, "You go walk her home!" I did as I was told.

Unbeknowst to me at the time...I was followed!

Mind you, this was several months back, but the way the story was told to me is that her husband had trailed us. I remember him saying something like, "I needed more ice" or something when I saw him. Then he went back to my house and apparently told me wife, "You husband was kissing my wife in the garage."

At which point she laughed uproariously. SHE THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE!

Now I don't know much, but I do know this: I did not kiss that woman. I know this because I know myself pretty well, and had I, I would've announced it to my wife immediately upon my return. Hell, I would've said something to the entire group, actually, "Hey everyone, I was making out with her in the garage!" But I said nothing because nothing had transpired.

She moved out the next day.

She's back now, and as several months have passed I haven't thought twice about anything - why would I? But now that this rumor is in the mouths and ears of my neighbors, I'm dumbstruck of how to handle it. My immediate response to my wife was, "It will do no good confronting someone like that, because he's going to believe what he's going to believe and nothing I can say will change it." In fact, I was pretty sure it was all a mistake until I saw he...defriended me on Facebook??? Besides, blaming a breakup on a stranger's single kiss seems an awfully weak defense - even if I am a great kisser ;) Because it doesn't paint the accuser in a good light - and no one wants to tell stories in which they appear at fault, so I'm pretty sure I didn't hear "The Whole Story." I need to hear it from him. I may have simply been a pawn in a larger sea of deceit.

Lastly, my wife is now concerned he may attempt to harm our children. Retribution and all that. So I'm pretty sure I have to address this with him, despite what he thought he saw.

I hear counter-accusations are awfully effective (and there's no doubt in my mind I'd be good at it), but that's really not my style, and not the end-game I'm looking for. Is this something I can even fix?

What are your thoughts?


thesweetestnote at 2010-10-25 16:34 (UTC) (Link)
WHOA! I think there is way more to their break and indeed you are a pawn. You are noble for wanting to talk this out. If it had been me in his situation I would have confronted you the nanosecond I "saw it". I think most husbands would have. I smell bIG bullshit here.

I'm not quite sure what I would do at this point, especially bringing into light the possibility of this Jackwagon doing something very stupid to your family. Maybe it's better off left alone. Why beat a dead horse? However, something also tells me if he wanted any retribution he would have attempted it??? I dunno. It could go either way. Talk it out with him I guess. If he acts up you can put your martial arts training to use and thrash him about. I do not like violence (not anymore anyway) but you have the tool and the best tool you have is your mind Eric. You speak with common sense and grand wisdom so I'm sure any physical confrontation would be avoided. Just keep vigilant. It's a shitty world sometimes.
ehowton at 2010-10-25 18:42 (UTC) (Link)
You raise a good point, and I'd hate to speculate without first speaking to him, but why am I just now hearing about this?
dreamkatch at 2010-10-25 17:03 (UTC) (Link)
Lmao wanna help wreck mine too? 
ehowton at 2010-10-25 18:42 (UTC) (Link)
An offer I would be unable to refuse! Good thing you live so far away :P
Joshua Gizelt
swashbuckler332 at 2010-10-25 17:09 (UTC) (Link)
You are either a convenient excuse or the straw that broke the camel's back. Either way, whilst it is important to protect your family, I don't think there's much else to do. As you mention, protesting your innocence will only prolong the situation.

You could always cut the guy up and use him as cat food, but I suspect there might be some legal complications with that scenario.
ehowton at 2010-10-25 18:46 (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, I LOVE the fact that as long as we're neighbors we'll always have this to fall back on as we continue to interact over the next decade or so - something which will be nearly impossible to avoid given the sparsity of population in my subdivision. What a nightmare.
thesweetestnote at 2010-10-25 17:11 (UTC) (Link)
thesweetestnote at 2010-10-25 17:52 (UTC) (Link)
ihamlet at 2010-10-25 17:30 (UTC) (Link)
Man. I mean. Have you tried the dismissive approach? Sometimes folks like Mr More Ice just need to be ignored into silence. But your should get on diggin' for that whole story, 'cause chances are it'll be pretty holey.
ehowton at 2010-10-25 18:49 (UTC) (Link)
I've only spoken to him a couple of times since the alleged incident and at no point did he bring it up as a topic of conversation. I can't dismiss without the subject first being broached by at least one of us.
irulan_amy at 2010-10-25 19:09 (UTC) (Link)
Wow. Has the wife said anything to set things straight? Not that it would matter, but it wouldn't hurt.

He obviously suffers from a lack of logic, so I don't think talking to him about would do any good - but it's probably worth trying. Argh, it would be so easier if you weren't neighbors.

This whole thing is so bizarre.
ehowton at 2010-10-25 19:16 (UTC) (Link)
For all I know, the wife confirmed it. Which goes back to the root of the problem: I don't know anything. I've spoken to her only once since, and at the time I was unaware of our torrid involvement.

I could SOOOOOOO easily pat this guy on the back and forget everything if I just knew what the hell was going on. Especially because of the neighbor thing. Ugh.
(Deleted comment)
ehowton at 2010-10-25 20:02 (UTC) (Link)
I simply don't know what the motivation is, but I love the idea of getting this over and done with sooner rather than later.

Go back to drinking beer together in the driveway. Albeit perhaps this time with a bit more discretion...

michelle1963 at 2010-10-25 19:43 (UTC) (Link)
This is dicey isn't it?

First off, just let me say, I totally believe you. Just thought given the circumstances, you might need to hear that.

Secondly, this couple obviously had marital troubles long before this walk home. Somehow you've become the focus though. I can see several possible scenarios of how this might occur:

1. Husband wants to get rid of wife (or at least thought he did), so he sees an opportunity and makes it up. (He may have since changed his mind.)
2. Wife says something like, "Why can't you be more of gentleman, like Eric?" which pisses hubby off so he tries to get back at you, again by making stuff up.
3. Husband is delusional. (I know that you're thinking the odds of that are pretty slim, but I beg to differ.)

In all cases, his ego and sense of well-being are on the line big time, and if he's delusional, his sense of reality is also a factor. I don't think there is anything to be gained by confronting this head-on, because if he lied he won't admit it, and if he's delusional he'll continue to believe it. You're not talking about a logical, reasonable man. By confronting him, even non-aggressively, he's going to feel threatened. It might escalate the situation. I certainly don't think you want to implant in his head, "Don't f*ck with my kids", because if he wasn't considering it and he is dangerous, he might then consider it.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is wait and see.

As for the gossip and rumors if you and your wife together look people in the eye and tell them what happened, I think most will believe you.
ehowton at 2010-10-25 20:20 (UTC) (Link)
To reiterate, this behavior is not really out of character for me.


My wife is upset that I'm the nicest guy you'll ever meet and this is sometimes the consequence of that. I'm an easy target. And scenario #2 did cross her mind (despite the fact it was my wife's idea to walk her home).

But because I think so very differently than most higher-primates, I can't even begin to piece together any semblance of sense, which is why I rely so heavily on everyone's wisdom here. I mean, I know I didn't kiss his wife.

I did mention to another neighbor that I might consider exploiting this in my favor. Letting word get around for a good time to call me :D
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2010-10-25 23:52 (UTC) (Link)
I knew it. I knew it. Your the reason Jessica Hernandez left me in 7th grade!!!
ehowton at 2010-10-26 01:11 (UTC) (Link)
There may be some truth to that...
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2010-10-26 00:03 (UTC) (Link)
"I did not kiss that woman." Didn't President Clinton make a similar statement???

Edited at 2010-10-26 01:13 am (UTC)
ehowton at 2010-10-26 01:16 (UTC) (Link)
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2010-10-26 01:35 (UTC) (Link)
Honestly, knowing your history as I do I think I shall recuse myself from this discussion.

God forgives all my son. Are you sure you have nothing to confess?
ehowton at 2010-10-26 02:21 (UTC) (Link)
I know, right?

Missus Emm
missus_emm at 2010-11-01 12:50 (UTC) (Link)
So... what did you decide to do?
ehowton at 2010-12-05 21:39 (UTC) (Link)
Honestly - I don't think I could look the guy in the eye with a straight face and discuss it. I find to awfully amusing and the mirth in my eyes would betray me. At some point - no matter how the conversation went, I would start laughing.

I honestly can't take something like this seriously, no matter who thought they saw what. It makes me giggle.
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