ehowton (ehowton) wrote,
ehowton
ehowton

Part One: Light-Bringer


I have this…”gift” we’ll call it for lack of a better term. Its the gift of joy. Its taken me many years to identify it as such, but that’s basically what it is. I exude it; excrete it. I pass it on to those around me. Its true some hate me for it, but the majority are drawn to me. I am “UP” nearly all the time I am around other people, spreading my joy – sharing it – openly and unabashedly. Nothing in my life has ever been diminished by doing so, and watching the results are always very rewarding.

My joy is also addictive. Many have asked how to create their own joy and I share with them openly. Nothing but good can come from everyone having joy in their life, and moreso if they can create it themselves. Like the fisherman and the fish though, some people only want to leech mine, because internal self-motivation is so entirely foreign to them, or they don’t want to put forth the effort required. This makes me sad, but doesn’t in any way lessen the joy I freely and willingly provide.

As an introvert however, I require equal parts downtime. What I do, this joy-distribution, takes an incredible amount of energy. Not the kind of energy sleep replenishes, but the kind required through quiet introspection and solitude. My blog is filled with stories and examples of this nature, the ebb and tide of my energy levels. In the early days of my marriage my wife would often suggest I “tone it down” in order to conserve myself and not run down so quickly. Those of you who are familiar with me know it takes just as much, if not more energy for me to do that. Anything which requires me not being entirely myself is a drain. This isn’t to say there aren’t certain people/events/activities which are more of a draw on my resources than others – accordingly I tend to avoid those as much as possible. I just always have to be cognizant of my surroundings.

People often say I have two speeds, “ON” and “OFF.” It probably seems that way to you, but I never switch off. What those people sometimes confuse “off” with is in actuality, “RECHARGE.” Equal time is ideal, but given the busy work/life schedule most of us endure (and I mean that purely as a term of endearment, for I truly love my job and life – It is, nonetheless draining at times) that is not always possible, nor prudent. I have no studies on how long I can run at a time as there are always so many minute variables throughout a given period and some people draw less than others while others are even capable of giving a little back.

During the Christmas break, I was on an unusually lengthy high. Given that I’d unburdened myself from the stresses of 12-months of work with a long family vacation however, this wasn’t immediately noticeable. Oh, everyone around me noticed – I just didn’t see it myself. Subconsciously (or blinded by my unnaturally peaked energy levels) I began to very overtly seek out the source of this power which was keeping me charged, much to the very conscious chagrin of those around me.

Eventually, I found it. An unending renewable power supply which is in turn fueled by my joy.

No more downtime required. Ever.

I’m currently working on creating my very own self-perpetuating machine.
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