Even as a young man, I often wondered if I would enjoy my own company. Would I piss myself off or would I appreciate the ease of discussion? Did others wonder the same about themselves, or was it just me? I think of myself as charming, but then doesn't everyone? If I were to meet myself, what would I think of me?
I mean, in real life I can really outsmart myself. I can impress the hell out of myself and am prone to often surprising myself at the outcome of something new or difficult or creative. The obverse of that however, is also painfully true. I can get frustrated at myself, be disappointed in myself, or second-guess myself. So if I met myself, which side of me would me see?
Rarely does a man have, in his lifetime, the opportunity for resolution to these types of questions. I have found myself in the unique position more than once in my life to experience "once-in-a-lifetime" events many times over, and this revelation was no exception.
Very recently, I met someone who is exactly like me in every way...except with boobs. And while I know for a fact every man has thought if he had boobs he'd stay home and play with them all day (I will admit to the thought having crossed my mind as well when I met her), this was...different. Different because it was more egotistical - no - narcissistic! I say that because I discovered my clone is freaking awesome! My clone is the smartest, wisest, wittiest, most amazing person I've ever had the pleasure of interacting with.Dr. Evil, while you were frozen, we began a program to clone you. He is exactly like you in every way...except one-eighth your size.
So this is what its like to be with me. God I'm envious of you people.
My poor wife took all this in and processed it rather quickly before unsurprisingly asking me, "Are you going to fall in love with her and leave me?"
I had to laugh. I had to laugh because, well - wasn't it obvious?
"Sweetheart," I said, "I'm already in love with her. But no, I will never leave you."
Mutually self-serving relationships are inarticulately supreme. I hope I live forever!