ehowton (ehowton) wrote,

Phase One

For someone who prides themselves on knowing exactly who they are, this particular move has had more twists and turns than a poorly written suspense novel, negatively triggering parts of me I was unaware even existed. And yes, though extremely painful at times, I am now stronger because of it. Knowledge truly is power.

Wielding that power effectively however, has been further challenging, because as Spiderman repeated over and over and over, with great power comes great responsibility. And therein lies the purgatorial rub - its difficult at best to atone for definitionless sins.

Our strength of a dizzying multitude of beliefs and values and honor sometimes don't always mesh or line up, coiling the finger of identification like a bimetallic strip in a thermostat as it spins uncontrollably around and around the classic tabletop game of Life. And let me tell you - observing the game and playing the game are worlds apart from actually living it.

And as the one known for being able to bounce back with frightening speed and agility, I've found myself stymied with an almost Kryptonite ache in my bones. Frustrating and panic-ridden, yes. But to see those who haven't always done so step up to the plate to restore balance to the Force has been an amazing sight to behold. I don't feel supplanted by these feats of strength, rather...empowered. What can't we accomplish together?

Discussions abound surrounding better integrating a triadic system of support in this wholly new environment, but slowly our individually spinning tops are finding the same groove in which to travel and the differing constant velocity and rate of decay notwithstanding, I find the groove unstable and unwieldy. This isn't the routine I was looking for.

At least for all of us, routine is our common goal, and we're attempting to align ourselves to join it. So not only have I discovered untold volumes about myself, I now see others in a new light. A very respectful new light which illuminates core operating processes vividly. The cobwebs are gone. I am not a different person now, I am the same person with a new perspective. A perspective which gives me the wisdom of Solomon coupled with The Life of Riley.

Once everything settles into place.

And I have no idea when that is going to happen.

The King is Dead.

Long live the King.


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