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Heart of Darkness


Posted on 2012.05.05 at 14:21


michelle1963 at 2012-05-06 01:05 (UTC) (Link)
The thing about dealing with emotions is that they have their own time-table. And unfortunately, the only way to rid oneself of the unwanted emotions, when one is unable to change the external circumstance or neurochemical imbalance causing them, is to feel them.

As I'm not prone to neurochemical imbalances, my experiences concerning unwanted, hard-to-tame emotions have been due to external circumstances I had no power to change. (The death of my father is one example.) As a great adapter ~ which I've come to realize often means that I adapt my expectations, BUT ALSO means that I make minute adjustments to a circumstance to make it palatable ~ I am absolutely blown away when there is not one single option left to me to improve the circumstance. My ability to adapt is based on my ability to modify, however slightly, the situation. When I can't interact with the circumstance, I don't know how to adapt. Literally, I feel as if it "does not compute." And I find myself repeating silently, "this is just stupid."

All that's left is to suck it up. This takes time. The logical brain is fast; the emotional brain very slow. It kicks, screams, and rails. But incrementally, the feeling will move into the past. And every time you have to suffer, you're one step closer to the day that you no longer are.

Interestingly enough, in all cases, I've found that when I've let go of the pain (and often I've hung on to it because I was afraid I'd lose everything if I did) I find that all of the things I feared would disappear are still there, and I can actually take some joy from them that I couldn't were I still in pain. Of course knowing this and being able to do it at will are two entirely different things. Again: emotions. Yet, I tell you this so that you can at least know it logically.

ehowton at 2012-05-06 01:20 (UTC) (Link)
I want to skip the suffering.
michelle1963 at 2012-05-06 04:33 (UTC) (Link)
Believe me, I know.
ehowton at 2012-05-06 21:37 (UTC) (Link)
Or, as you said above, speed it up by suffering more acutely, frequently.
ehowton at 2012-05-23 00:03 (UTC) (Link)
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