I understand grief now.
I always wondered what circumstances led families to take other children into their home, and how that affected the dynamic. Change isn't always easy, but there's never been a promise that it would be. Life simply is. But the heart grows. Through whatever mechanism you don't just accept that child, you love them. You love them like your own - you have to have that capacity for the inclusion to be successful.
When the heart grows in this way, you discover not only do you not love your own children less, but you've greatly magnified your love for them by opening your heart. When the heart loves it overflows love. The very idea that loving someone else's child is taking love away from your own children is incomprehensible and only suggested by those who do not truly understand what love is. Love does not work that way. Love only ever begets more love, not less. Not ever less.
And if that child leaves, grief will follow in its wake. It has to if you were sincere and successful in opening your heart.
Grief is the process of losing love, and it hurts.
You cannot console loss of love; replacing my own children with the child that left would cause me to grieve for them. To love then, is to grieve. I therefore celebrate grief, because I love.
“There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do.” ~ Freya Stark