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Grief, Part III

Posted on 2012.05.06 at 04:21
Current Location: 67114

I understand grief now.

I always wondered what circumstances led families to take other children into their home, and how that affected the dynamic. Change isn't always easy, but there's never been a promise that it would be. Life simply is. But the heart grows. Through whatever mechanism you don't just accept that child, you love them. You love them like your own - you have to have that capacity for the inclusion to be successful.

When the heart grows in this way, you discover not only do you not love your own children less, but you've greatly magnified your love for them by opening your heart. When the heart loves it overflows love. The very idea that loving someone else's child is taking love away from your own children is incomprehensible and only suggested by those who do not truly understand what love is. Love does not work that way. Love only ever begets more love, not less. Not ever less.

And if that child leaves, grief will follow in its wake. It has to if you were sincere and successful in opening your heart.

Grief is the process of losing love, and it hurts.

You cannot console loss of love; replacing my own children with the child that left would cause me to grieve for them. To love then, is to grieve. I therefore celebrate grief, because I love.

“There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do.” ~ Freya Stark


michelle1963 at 2012-05-06 14:46 (UTC) (Link)
People are not interchangeable. If one loses a child, a friend, a spouse, having a new child, finding a new friend, or remarrying does not ameliorate the loss.

There is not one person on the planet who has ever said, "Gee I lost my child (friend, spouse), but I've got a new one so who gives a fuck about the first one."

A friend of mine lost her mother, and her father remarried. My friend explained to me that her father had suffered an internal battle before remarrying because he felt it somehow meant that he no longer loved the wife he had lost. After sifting through his grief, he came to realize that his growing love for the woman who would become his new wife did not take anything away from the woman he had loved so dearly; that the very fact that he could love again stemmed from the fact that he loved his first wife so very much. He realized that love only begets more love.

Edited at 2012-05-06 03:55 pm (UTC)
ehowton at 2012-05-08 22:12 (UTC) (Link)
Only now do I appreciate the power grief has to get us over the hump.
slchurchman at 2012-05-06 21:39 (UTC) (Link)
I believe you've got it. Your statement that "When the heart loves, it overflows love" is so true. To be in biblical tone "Love begats more love."

You also have nailed it with grief being the process of losing love, and it hurts. That is the best description of grief I have read. Thank you!
ehowton at 2012-05-06 23:24 (UTC) (Link)
That is the best description of grief I have read.

I'm sorry.
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