ehowton (ehowton) wrote,

Grief, Part IV: Aftermath

Grief is indiscriminate I've learned; indiscriminate in what it identifies, and indiscriminate in what it heals. Things I did not know I had buried were surprisingly unearthed for inspection and dealt with accordingly. Grief granted itself my consent to forgive and let go without any interaction on my part, whether I wanted to or not wasn't even considered. It alone was the judge, jury and executioner. The funny thing about how forgiveness works is it requires something to forgive. As I do not assign blame, nor take offense, this is rarely an issue I have to face. Please let me now clarify that I do not consciously assign blame, nor take offense. Apparently my unconscious mind acts independently in this regard.

As I have come to rely upon my subconscious to nocturnally process my emotions, I had assumed it was as non-confrontational as my id & super-ego. I was wrong. While my id & superego both lasciviously stroke my ego, my conscious and subconscious wage a clandestine war within me. Being aware of this discordance is half the battle. While I cannot use it to my advantage, it can certainly shed some light on the results of my after-hours activities and help me better frame them in the proper light.

So while grief did what it does, and did so very thoroughly, all was not immediately revealed. Grief didn't let me know what it did, it just arrived like an unexpected house guest, tidied up, and departed, leaving me to figure out the rest on my own.

Indiscriminate, yes. But efficient.
Tags: grief

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