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Caprica

Reciprocity

Posted on 2012.05.28 at 07:58
Current Location: 67114
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Divine Grace - God's gift of salvation granted to sinners for their salvation. Only, its not freely given. Not really. Sacramental/Orthodox religions aside, its only given to those who ask for it.

Cooperative reciprocal tendencies - positive reciprocity, and ethic of reciprocity - the golden rule - enumerate the benefits of existing in a mutually supportive environment. The things I desire in life, I give freely, so they may be returned upon me. If I have to ask for them however, it defeats the purpose. At that point rather than engaging in a fulfilling relationship with someone, I'm instead bartering for goods and services. Friendships and marriages then give way to partnerships and limited liability cooperatives, or worse - dependency.

Attachment reduces marriage to a quest for safety, security, and compensation for childhood disappointments.*

Prominent 60s psychologist Richard Lazarus asserts that people become accustomed to positive or negative life experiences which lead to favorable or unfavorable expectations of their present and near-future circumstances. I've written for weeks on the premise that expectations may or may not be realistic and can give rise to the emotion of disappointment. I know because I myself have fallen into this trap recently.

The famous sociologist, Robert K. Merton, wrote that a person's expectation is directly linked to the Self-fulfilling Prophecy. Whether or not such an expectation was truthful or not has little or no effect on the outcome. If a person believes what they are told or convinces himself/herself of the fact, chances are this person will see the expectation to its inevitable conclusion. If we act on false information, certain positive or negative unintended consequences could result. If overly positive or elevated expectations were used to describe or manipulate a person's self-image and execution falls short, the results could be a total reversal of that person's self-confidence. If thought of in terms of causality or cause and effect, the higher a person's expectation and the lower the execution, the higher the frustration level may become. This in turn could cause a total cessation of effort and motivate the person to quit.*

Even knowing that expectation leads to disappointment, I maintain an expectation of reciprocity for it is that which defines us as human animals, yet the moment I have to ask for it I rape it of its empathizing healing nature, turning it into a cold, selfish act. I cannot seem to untrap myself from this paradox, and feel it could very likely destroy me. That "one thing" I've been seeking which could unravel the very essence of my existence I may have finally discovered.

A professional psychologist once asked me to define intimacy. As I had recently published my thesis on self-actualized intimacy I very candidly replied, "dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity." The psychologist laughed. Then told me I was wrong. As an aside, it must very frustrating to have all the working knowledge and understanding of the psychology behind self-actualization coupled with the knowledge that you'll never reach it, let alone the underlying envy of facing someone who - by all accounts less worthy - has. He explained that "it" was none of those things and took me on a journey of beautiful descriptive modifiers in a very limited scope of application in which he never effectively stated what "it" was and when asked (because I did ask) he just shook his head in disbelief at my simplicity.

But there is never despair without hope! I implore you - all of you - to never become complacent with anything, ever. As a hard and fast rule you must aggressively reevaluate without provocation, for therein truly lies the secret to everlasting life.

Comments:


slchurchman at 2012-05-28 13:13 (UTC) (Link)
But there is never despair without hope! I implore you - all of you - to never become complacent with anything, ever. As a hard and fast rule you must aggressively reevaluate without provocation, for therein truly lies the secret to everlasting life.

Amen, brother. The human brain requires challenge and learning. Without it, it essentially curls up and dies. Why do you think there is such a push recently for "brain games", memory challenges, etc. At last, the medical community has become aware that mental stimulation is required for a healthy brain. A big part of that has to be reevaluation.
ehowton
ehowton at 2012-05-28 14:29 (UTC) (Link)
From what I'm learning, some brains prefer the comfort of complacency. While I can understand and accept that, its simply not me!
slchurchman at 2012-05-28 15:39 (UTC) (Link)
Some "individuals" prefer complacency, but is that healthiest for their brains? I believe research (none on hand right now) shows people who are always challenging their brains, live longer. Now I've got to go look that up and back up that statement. LOL
ehowton
ehowton at 2012-05-28 16:01 (UTC) (Link)
I don't think its that much of a stretch to collate personality types and brain-requirements. While a certain amount of cerebral activity is not in disagreement, the artist may choose to exercise theirs equally as effectively, but different than my own expression. I don't know.
Michelle1963
michelle1963 at 2012-05-28 13:23 (UTC) (Link)
The things I desire in life, I give freely, so they may be returned upon me. If I have to ask for them however, it defeats the purpose. At that point rather than engaging in a fulfilling relationship with someone, I'm instead bartering for goods and services. Friendships and marriages then give way to partnerships and limited liability cooperatives, or worse - dependency.

Exactly! I have met several people in my life who will not give of themselves in any way without assurance of "payment." If I'm nice, what assurances do I have that someone else is going to be nice. Really? WTF?

My question has always been why do you need those assurances. What does it cost you to be nice, give another person what s/he desires? Nothing. Nothing at all. And sometimes you reap the benefit of their gratitude..., or some reciprocity down the road.

Yet some people remain intent on their whorish behavior ~ give nothing without assurances of a return on their investment or better yet, see if they can get what they want without investing at all.
ehowton
ehowton at 2012-05-28 14:30 (UTC) (Link)
My question has always been why do you need those assurances.
As I understand it, security.

What does it cost you to be nice, give another person what s/he desires?
Energy. And that can be a very slippery slope indeed! I absolutely understand the ramifications of it.
Michelle1963
michelle1963 at 2012-05-28 15:30 (UTC) (Link)
My question has always been why do you need those assurances.

As I understand it, security.

I can see that if one has none of his or her own.


What does it cost you to be nice, give another person what s/he desires?

Energy. And that can be a very slippery slope indeed! I absolutely understand the ramifications of it.

In most cases, it costs me more energy not to do than to do it, as it is in my nature to do so. That said, I have run into individuals that will suck me dry if I allow it.

Excellent distinction!
ehowton
ehowton at 2012-05-28 15:55 (UTC) (Link)
I can see that if one has none of his or her own.

One of the articles I linked to above is but a snippet of a much larger dissertation on the sheer power of interdependence - as I currently understand it more powerful than either dependency or independence. It is this I hope to elucidate next.
ehowton
ehowton at 2012-05-28 15:56 (UTC) (Link)
Excellent distinction!

Thank you ma'am. The more I attempt to depolarize, abstract constructs seemingly materialize.
Jobu
jobu121 at 2012-05-30 14:13 (UTC) (Link)
Yes sir I believe the self-fulfilling prophecy thesis.
In addition, I am wracked with cognitive dissonance on many issues.

On many occasions I have told myself, "Dig up stupid!"

Did you throat-punch the psychologist? To answer him with your "simplicity" of course.



ehowton
ehowton at 2012-05-30 14:23 (UTC) (Link)
I am wracked with cognitive dissonance on many issues.
The fact that you are aware of this means that you can compensate for it. Well done.

On many occasions I have told myself, "Dig up stupid!"
And sometimes it truly is as simple as that.

Did you throat-punch the psychologist?
I was too taken aback by his unrelenting confirmation bias.
Michelle1963
michelle1963 at 2012-05-30 14:50 (UTC) (Link)
Did you throat-punch the psychologist? To answer him with your "simplicity" of course.

Snicker.
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