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Interdependence

Posted on 2012.05.30 at 15:43

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Michelle1963
michelle1963 at 2012-05-31 15:21 (UTC) (Link)
Should and expectation can also indicate a sense of entitlement, when applied against another's behavior. For example: "My employer SHOULD give me the promotion," or "My spouse SHOULD send me red roses every Valentine's Day."

In relationships a sense of entitlement is particularly damaging, because it allows for no positive effect. While it's easy to see the negative outcome. If I am "entitled" to..., and it doesn't occur, then the end result is negative. Less obvious is the fact that if one feels entitled and the spouse meets the expectation, then the net result is neutral. I expected it and it happened. Result: I don't have to feel bad. There is no avenue for feeling good. There is only, I'm not disappointed or I am. Not that I am ecstactic at the thoughtful gesture. Absent is the positive boost one receives when there is no expectation and the spouse does something nice.

Should, expectation, and entitlement are a sure set up for feeling bad.

ehowton
ehowton at 2012-05-31 15:48 (UTC) (Link)
FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION THAT. In those same pages of PT concerning difficult people, one was identified as The Egoist, in which two of the four traits, "unable to compromise" and "takes everything personally" conspire against them in a damaging circular relationship.

They use the term "entitlement" in describing them.

A person who is convinced his perspectives, beliefs, and values are right cannot tolerate any conciliatory conversations.

What separates this person from say you or me - who can be at times quite egotistical, is this:

Something happens and we ego-involved and lose perspective, but with the truly egoic, such a response is independent of the stimulus.

Interesting! Thanks for the addition :)
Michelle1963
michelle1963 at 2012-05-31 17:09 (UTC) (Link)
The Egoist, in which two of the four traits, "unable to compromise" and "takes everything personally" conspire against them in a damaging circular relationship.

Oh man! What a recipe for personal disaster.

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