ehowton (ehowton) wrote,


I've convinced myself I have a personality disorder. I have convinced myself of this based upon the behavior of those around me, through exhaustive research both online and printed material, and professional psychoanalysis. Because its brand new, I've decided I suffer from EHOWTON PERSONALITY DISORDER or "EPD".

When its suggested that someone has a personality disorder normal people would react with, "Nuh-uh" and immediately dismiss the notion, never asking for information or what would trigger such a statement. EPD sufferers react with, "OMG OMG OMG could it be true? Why do you think that? What do you see that I'm missing?" Then delve into attempting to confirm or deny the assertion. EPD sufferers have a genuine desire to understand themselves and those around them in an endeavor for peaceful relations through mutual cooperativeness and an extreme rational tendency. Pretty frightening stuff, and I would know.

Sufferers of EPD also have a whole host of far-reaching issues such as having a reality which remains consistent and unchanging no matter what emotion the sufferer may feel at the time, an acknowledgement and understanding of both the transient nature of change and its resulting causality, and the impermanence of ideas and beliefs based on ever-changing circumstances and experiences. Honestly, its a scary world out there when you know that people could change, or lifelong dreams could mutate based on any number of criteria over time.

EHOWTON PERSONALITY DISORDER is no laughing matter. While its funny to mock and take advantage of those who swim the foreign waters of shades of gray by lobbing purely black & white false dichotomies at them to watch them waffle with incomprehension, you might feel differently walking a mile in their shoes. Just because they feel that the beauty and effectiveness of critical thinking isn't in knowing everything about everything, rather identifying limitations in conceptions and seeking alternatives doesn't mean you have to flaunt inflexibility at them. We can't all be normal.

I guess the hardest thing about being me - the namesake of this debilitating disorder - is the constant feeling of aloneness in believing that relationships aren't just simply-constructed, one-way streets of security - that relationships require adjusting and adapting, knowing oneself, and constant redefinition to continually evolve and fit ever-changing circumstances. To incorporate each partner's changes and find ways to meet their new needs or wither and die. Nothing is forever unless it changes, and sometimes things change whether you want them to or not. EPD is all about thinking that while you can change yourself, you can never change other people, and that's one bitter pill to swallow; when others find your limitlessness, limiting.

I beseech you all - if any of this sounds like you - seek help before its too late.
Tags: epd, psychology

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