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Addendum NVC

Posted on 2012.11.28 at 00:00
Current Location: 67114
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I think I've discovered a critical component missing in non-violent communication. Namely, normative factors. Without which, simply stating "needs" becomes an effort in futility.

When asking someone to state their argument, it is generally understood to mean their consideration which justifies or explains their point of view, not an invitation for a domestic. Its all part of the logical process - a series of if/then statements to illustrate evidentiary claims. I believe something and want to impart that belief. An argument is the process used to communicate it.

In non-violent communication, I now believe that simply stating needs is insufficient. One must know why that need exists, or at a minimum understand the nature and causality of having needs met. I would even go so far to say that I've thought I had a need which could only be satisfied in a specific manner, but once I articulated the reason, it either became clear it could be met through multiple vectors or a satisfactory argument was made which I had not considered.


michelle1963 at 2012-11-28 14:14 (UTC) (Link)
We tend to focus on communication as a means to impart our thoughts to another. An often overlooked function of communication is that by communicating with others, we communicate with ourselves - clarifying, refining, and maybe in the process changing or refuting our own ideas. Communicating with others allows us to better know ourselves.

If we communicate in sufficiently with others, we are not communicating well with ourselves either.
jobu121 at 2012-11-28 14:31 (UTC) (Link)
Sir, one I must say I do enjoy reading your blog entries. I really do.

In communication or debate, I think I have told you before, that a person with whom I was debating ran out of argumentative points and summed it up with, "I outta punch you in the mouth!" I guess I won. :)
Lelf Treperra
ubet_cha at 2012-11-28 15:18 (UTC) (Link)
Agreed, to build an argument we need to know the goals and the motivation behind it. In my opinion on a personal level violence is only a valid tool when communication has completely failed and/or someone’s life is threatened*. There’s no reason in our culture to escalate an argument to the physical level. Its easy enough to walk away.

• - This is subjective, of course.
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