The Empirical Manifesto

When drax0r somehow acquired one of those behemoth business-class "copy centers" for his home (I didn't ask), he gave me his Canon flatbed scanner which is useful for a variety of reasons; scanning old photographs, turning printed documents into portable data formats to email, and uploading receipts for travel expenses to name a few - the latter which I was unable to do because after about three years of second-hand use, it went tango uniform. Although now that I think about it, I bet that functionality is included in the iPhone app :/

Anyway, I merrily drove to Best Buy and when the young man with the freshly scrubbed face asked what I was looking for, his answer to my query sucked all the life right out of me. My first thought was that I must be old. I can see his tweet now...

"lol ancient dude just asked for a FLATBED SCANNER xD #retardedcustomers"

Then I wondered if he was just dumb. Like, really dumb. Because he did mention the portable scanners were on another isle - so I know he made the connection. Then I thought about my own children and this world we live in from their perspective. Despite nearly everything in my list no longer being applicable, these kind of things are so prolific their ubiquity is unquestioned. That said, in the end the only thing under my control is me. To not be the typical old timer who's reaction is akin to TYPING IN ALL CAPS ABOUT THESE YOUNGSTER NOT KNOWING ANYTHING. Before I give you his reply, you'll first have to have a basic understanding of your typical emotional reactions to a variety of stress levels and situations. He said me, "You mean like a multi-function printer without the printer part?"

I dead-panned, "Precisely."