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All Wounds

Posted on 2013.02.23 at 00:00
Current Location: 67114

The well-worn adage `time heals all wounds` is at best a conciliatory misnomer. At worst, negligent misguidance. For time alone heals nothing. I have met people who are still pissed off over having been "wronged" (and I use that term loosely) generations ago. They're not just reminiscent, they are actively angry. "Loosely" because many recollections are simply-constructed mono-directional perceptions lacking the breadth of comprehension; no understanding of either self nor group dynamics - they see it no other way than how they believe it to be - and remain upset despite any length of time. That's not healthy by any measuring stick.

But if time truly doesn't heal all wounds, what does? And why is it attributed to time? The answer is something I can't find any other way to express except internal dialectics. Historically (and lifted straight from Wikipedia), the "dialectical method is discourse between two or more people holding different points of view about a subject, who wish to establish the truth of the matter guided by reasoned arguments." What I am calling internal dialectics is that same discourse with ourselves.

What time provides those of us who think, is simply a measured succession of unidirectional duration. Better perhaps than a blanket healing of all wounds, what we get from time is a measure duration in which to analyze, then synthesize the source of, and events surrounding, our wounds. Analysis affords us the opportunity separate our wounds into its constituent elements - the components which make up the whole, and study those individually through filters of differentiating personalities, motivations, and intents until we (hopefully) understand the entire prismatic spectrum of human behavior up to and including our own. Synthesis is simply this in reverse - putting these individual pieces, which have hopefully been altered by our comprehension - back into place, for a more realistic picture of what transpired and the causation which led to our pain.

What we should have at the conclusion of this exercise is a more realistic view of events, secure in the knowledge of how things unfolded and why. Regret of course remains a valid recourse, without which we may be overlooking a valid emotional component. Regret is an unwieldy beast which can certainly bridge the chasm of both reason and emotion, thus by definition immune to dialectics. "Reasoned arguments" don't bode well against feelings of loss. Perhaps, given the attenuation of loss, that is something time can heal.

But certainly not, "all wounds."


quicksilvermad at 2013-02-23 06:30 (UTC) (Link)
Sometimes we forget details over time and that's what is supposed to "heal" us. But it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes the "wound" is so traumatic that it refuses to fade. Sure, it can close and scar, but the damage is done and there will always be a reminder of what happened somewhere in one's memory. For instance, I will always remember the look on my music teacher's face when he threatened to "nail [me] to the wall," and the feeling of terror in that moment will not suddenly disappear over time.

The wounds from that instance and of other moments where he belittled me are still there. Just faded and scarred. If you want to get technical, a scar is a sign of healing, but it's still a reminder of the original wound.


Dude, I don't know.

Some things are forgotten over time. Some things aren't. The painful stuff seems easier to access in memory, though.
ehowton at 2013-02-24 06:43 (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, I don't know either. But some of what you say makes me think of PTSD. I've been hearing a lot on it lately and we're probably all affected to one extent or another by varying degrees.
michelle1963 at 2013-02-24 16:30 (UTC) (Link)
While no expert, the terror you describe made me think of PTSD too. We tend to think of PTSD occurring in relation to physical violence, but I have read articles that indicate emotional abuse can cause it too.

Couldn't find the articles I want to share (read them months ago), but did locate this: http://suite101.com/article/emotional-abuse-and-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-a310093

Edited at 2013-02-24 04:31 pm (UTC)
michelle1963 at 2013-02-23 06:44 (UTC) (Link)
Perception. A process by which individuals organize and interpret their sensory impressions to give meaning to their environment. However what we perceive can be substantially different from objective reality. People's behavior is based on their perception of reality; not what reality actually is.

Organizational Behavior by Robbins & Judge

The thing of it is some people are aware that their perception of reality may not mirror objective reality or another person's perception of it. When faced with conflict or unexplained behavior, they gather more facts in order to get closer to objective reality; they communicate with other individuals trying to understand their perceptions and what those perceptions are based upon. And when dealing with another individual who does this, usually mutual understanding can be realized.

But what of those who believe their perception is the same as objective reality? They tend to be unyielding in their belief, uncompromising in their dealings with others, and generally dissatisfied because life does not work as they believe it should. Makes for some angry individuals. Time cannot heal those wounds and neither can they. They don't have the tools. Nor do they believe the tools exist.

Edited at 2013-02-23 06:46 am (UTC)
ehowton at 2013-02-24 06:51 (UTC) (Link)
People like that also seem unable to accurately articulate their perception which makes things far, far more difficult. Its like battling an entire army of strawmen single-handed. Not even the most adept can defend against those numbers. The wisest know not to try.

Reminds me a little of my Mythological Creatures post :/
michelle1963 at 2013-02-24 16:59 (UTC) (Link)
Yes. If a person can't even describe their perception of reality, then how can communication even occur? Much less any kind of understanding? Especially traumatic when you care about the person and / or must coordinate with them.

I have yet to objectively decide if there is something clinically wrong with their brains, they have a personality disorder, or if their need to see things a certain way, their need to be right (as they see it) overrides all sense of self-preservation. All of the above?

For my own sanity, when confronted with such as these, I am trying to be compassionate by choosing to believe there is probably a brain malfunction somewhere, and where possible staying as remote as I can when I run across them - physically if possible, but always keeping all of my emotions under lock and key. They seem to feed on them.

Mythological Creatures was a great post, btw! Thanks for providing the link.
michelle1963 at 2013-02-24 17:02 (UTC) (Link)
Straw men, the classic moving target. Don't forget their close cousin, the red herring.

Edited at 2013-02-24 05:04 pm (UTC)
michelle1963 at 2013-02-23 06:58 (UTC) (Link)
As for regret and loss, I am still grappling with this myself. However, I have a couple of observations based on personal experience. No amount of understanding has ever made a loss less painful in the short term, nor does the understanding ever make me feel okay about the loss. It pretty much always sucks. That said, healing from a loss requires accepting the loss, and a more realistic view of events, a greater understanding of what happened and why can certainly help with acceptance.
ehowton at 2013-02-24 06:46 (UTC) (Link)
This is what I was attempting to make clear in my next to last paragraph. Thanks for elucidating.
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2013-02-25 03:16 (UTC) (Link)
"Happy the man who finds wisdom,
the man who gains understanding!
For her profit is better than profit in silver,
and better than gold is her revenue...
She is a tree of life to those who grasp her,
and he is happy that holds her fast.

~Proverbs 3:13-14,18
ehowton at 2013-02-26 21:36 (UTC) (Link)
I gave wisdom a right pounding last night!
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2013-02-27 03:06 (UTC) (Link)
"I brought you some supper but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped...sin and hellfire... one has lepers."
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