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How Do You Think?

Posted on 2013.03.24 at 00:00
Current Location: 67114
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We've all been stung by intolerance and judgement, or jealousy and hatred. We've been unfairly bypassed, overlooked and acted against - threatened, manipulated and mocked either overtly or covertly. As humans we have psychological reactions to this - chemicals which flood our bodies triggering fight or flight. Act or react. We've also been happy and sad and experienced joy and pain. We know what these things feel like because we've all had them. We've all experienced roughly the same standard set of emotions.

Some people, despite understanding that "how they feel" may change given the entire spectrum of emotions which course through us in a given day, week, month or year, make decisions based upon this fleeting floating point. Some of those are easily reversible and undone. Some have long-lasting or drastic repercussions.

Some people are aware that "how they feel" may run contrary to logic. Few I assume are able to make solid decisions despite this cloud of emotional duress. Others simply take note of it and defer the decision until those mood-altering chemicals have subsided.

These divergent people generally fall into two buckets. Those who thirst and quest for the highest sustainable decision-making roadmaps and take ownership of their decisions (easy to do when they understand the logical framework behind it), and those who do not. Those who cannot fathom why events unfolded the way they did, and abstain from any accountability whatsoever. It was fate. Or Jesus. Or the cheese sandwich eaten earlier in the day. Or eaten in a past life. Anything. Everything. Except themselves.

Its a tough life, having so little control over anything when one has tied their future to however they happen to be feeling at the time. And surely someone else is to blame when it doesn't work out.

I talk a good game, I do. And I am acutely aware of the blur of nuances which help to flesh out a full picture much like those "magic eye" 3D stereogram posters. Comprehension, I think, is the difference between a poor decision, and a good decision that didn't work out. And I will absolutely own it regardless. I accept responsibility. Not through words, but through actions. By never blaming anyone, and always looking forward - never back.

Which is probably why I let my two cats wear me down enough to let them into the master bedroom. And take over the bed. No one to blame, but myself.

Back to the drawing board.

See the kitty?


michelle1963 at 2013-03-24 14:54 (UTC) (Link)
Owning a decision - even a bad one - is power. If I say to myself, I did this (whatever this is), and it didn't turn out as I'd intended, I can determine what went wrong and avoid making the same error in the future. Power.

When someone assigns blame to some external force without analyzing his or her own motivations, intentions, actions, s/he gives power to everyone and everything, except herself.

Among blamers, the tendency to blame - not accept responsibility - comes into play hugely when other people are involved in a situation that does not meet expectation. Blamers fault others for the failed endeavor, never seeming to realize that the situation was a group endeavor, and everyone had a role in the outcome, including they themselves.

Those with a tendency to blame become angry when others do not meet expectations. But whose expectations were they? Interestingly enough, the expectations belonged to the person doing the blaming. So was it the other person's fault for failing to perform as expected? Did the other person even know what the expectations were? Or did the blamer hold unrealistic or unspoken expectations?

One must take responsibility for one's own expectations.

Of course one could say, "but the person said they would do such and such, and did not do as agreed upon." Often very true - the person who failed to perform as expected helped me form that expectation. Guess what? I still don't blame the other individual. S/he is the one that must bear the consequences for his / her behavior and decisions. As for me? Well, I am smarter because of the experience. Next time, I will understand that the individual may not behave on par with his or her words. I won't put myself in a position that my well-being, goals or anything that matters to me rests on that person's performance. But blame the person? What does that solve? Does it change anything? does it make me feel better about myself? No and no.

Not only that, but due to the experience I have increased my general knowledge as well, so that perhaps I can avoid involvement with others whose words do not match behavior in the future.

Granted some of these lessons are tough. But not taking responsibilty, blaming someone else, almost always assures that one gets to repeat the lesson.
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2013-03-25 01:56 (UTC) (Link)
I can see a horribly deformed woman but no cat.

You've got it all wrong it was never your bed or master bedroom to begin with, it was the cats. They just let you sleep there.
ehowton at 2013-03-25 15:35 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks for putting things into perspective for me.
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