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How Do You Think?

Posted on 2013.03.24 at 00:00


michelle1963 at 2013-03-24 14:54 (UTC) (Link)
Owning a decision - even a bad one - is power. If I say to myself, I did this (whatever this is), and it didn't turn out as I'd intended, I can determine what went wrong and avoid making the same error in the future. Power.

When someone assigns blame to some external force without analyzing his or her own motivations, intentions, actions, s/he gives power to everyone and everything, except herself.

Among blamers, the tendency to blame - not accept responsibility - comes into play hugely when other people are involved in a situation that does not meet expectation. Blamers fault others for the failed endeavor, never seeming to realize that the situation was a group endeavor, and everyone had a role in the outcome, including they themselves.

Those with a tendency to blame become angry when others do not meet expectations. But whose expectations were they? Interestingly enough, the expectations belonged to the person doing the blaming. So was it the other person's fault for failing to perform as expected? Did the other person even know what the expectations were? Or did the blamer hold unrealistic or unspoken expectations?

One must take responsibility for one's own expectations.

Of course one could say, "but the person said they would do such and such, and did not do as agreed upon." Often very true - the person who failed to perform as expected helped me form that expectation. Guess what? I still don't blame the other individual. S/he is the one that must bear the consequences for his / her behavior and decisions. As for me? Well, I am smarter because of the experience. Next time, I will understand that the individual may not behave on par with his or her words. I won't put myself in a position that my well-being, goals or anything that matters to me rests on that person's performance. But blame the person? What does that solve? Does it change anything? does it make me feel better about myself? No and no.

Not only that, but due to the experience I have increased my general knowledge as well, so that perhaps I can avoid involvement with others whose words do not match behavior in the future.

Granted some of these lessons are tough. But not taking responsibilty, blaming someone else, almost always assures that one gets to repeat the lesson.
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