I don't have many skeletons in my closet. The few I do are affectionately cared for. So when I say the past has come to haunt me, I don't mean necessarily my own. In this case, I mean 1999.
I'd thought I was finished with the absurdity of ink on dead trees and snail mail until it came time for me to act. That's when the real nightmare began.
I did find my checkbook. It was even pre-loaded with the book of checks I'd mocked the teller for suggesting I might someday need (humble pie was on the menu the day I crawled back to her to order some). Then I went out and purchased a pen. The pen which was there was a matte-black & gold personalized, engraved Cross I'd received as a high school graduation gift from one of my parent's friends. Yes, I'd been been using it since 1988. Over the past several refils I've noticed the writing part no longer comes all the way down the tube when the top is turned, rendering it nearly useless as a writing instrument. This past weekend I went to three different stores pen shopping and found a new matte-black-on-black click-deploy Cross "gel" pen to replace it. Its very nice for the two times a year I need it. So far, so good!
I printed out the "online" application, filled it out by hand, then wrote out the check. The next step stumped me. Thinking way back to 1999, I visualized more dried and rolled dead-tree pulp folded in such a manner to create a pouch, a packet...an envelope! I needed an envelope and a stamp! I drove to Dillon's (ya'll in Texas know it as Kroger) and stood in line at Customer Service until it was my turn.
Leaning forward out of embarrassment, I brought the lady behind the counter into my confidence and said, "Remember back when we had to put stuff in the mail? Do you have any of those things?" She asked if I was referring to stamps and a envelope, told me they had them for sale, and asked how many I needed. Sheepishly, I raised a single finger and she provided a stamped envelope. "That will be 58-cents." I pulled out my wallet and said, "Another thing I haven't carried since 1999 is cash. Can I put 58-cents on my debit card?"