?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Doc Brown

Danzig

Posted on 2006.08.29 at 11:01
Current Location: 63134
Current Music: James Bond: Thunderball Soundtrack
Tags: ,
Have you ever noticed the zebras at the zoo always go to one area in their pen in which to poop? That always fascinated me.

I was the sole unix guy at a new data center we were standing up. I spent two weeks in the UK with the architects helping choose systems, assigning them IP addresses and hostnames. When I arrived back stateside I spent another two weeks building, racking, loading and installing these machines in the newly constructed data center, as well as deploying and installing 100 Sun U60 workstations. It was just myself and the sole Windows guy, working all day, everyday, to get this place up and running for its grand opening.

After all the employees showed up to start work at this new plant, we found that the two of us were woefully understaffed. We hired a Help Desk Technician. Our office had a very open floor plan - the build area was in one corner, and the three of us were in the other three corners. I had at my desk an XP box, a Sun U60, and an HP/UX box. The windows guy had two XP boxes, and our Help Desk guy, poor bastard, we made him build out his own XP box. We called him, "Danzig."

One day, we had an impromptu meeting. We wheeled our Herman Miller chairs to the center of the room and began talking about whatever issue we had going on. At one point, Danzig stood up, and walked to the corner of his desk, stood silently for a few seconds, then returned to his seat. We all just stared at him. "What was all that about?" the Windows guy asked.
"Sorry, I had to flatulate." He said.
"That is the most polite thing I've ever seen. I wish Eric would do that."

A few minutes after the meeting broke up and we were all back at our desks working, I stood from my workstation, walked over to the corner of Danzig's desk, and stood there adjacent him. Before anyone could ask me what I was doing, I broke wind, walked back to my desk and sat down. "OMG! Why did you do that?" Danzig asked?
"I was trying to be polite." I replied.

Comments:


Penguin Puppetmaster
oxy_irony at 2006-08-29 19:16 (UTC) (Link)
*Grins* Witty.
ehowton
ehowton at 2006-08-29 22:00 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks!
Tomas Gallucci
schpydurx at 2006-08-29 21:54 (UTC) (Link)
that's fucked up.
ehowton
ehowton at 2006-08-29 22:00 (UTC) (Link)
Agreed.
ex_crowy at 2006-08-29 22:50 (UTC) (Link)
Very amusing. Thank you for sharing. :)
ehowton
ehowton at 2006-08-30 02:34 (UTC) (Link)
Glad you enjoyed it!
danzigfried at 2006-08-30 03:15 (UTC) (Link)
I too enjoyed it...........though not at the time! The retelling of the story gave me a different, outsider-looking-in perspective, yet the oderiferous eminations still match and are forever locked in my subconscious.
The hair of my nostrils still smolder and curl at the mere mentioning of Howton and flatulents within the same sentence. It was after this, of many episodes, that I began to call him by his middle name: Guantanamo. Why? Well, here's why: His middle name, which I still dont know, begins with the letter 'G'. Guantanamo is actually the combination of two words: Guano and Guantanamo. Yes, I realize that his 'nic' is actually identical to one of the combined words, but you must understand...I was Danzig, the helpdesk monkey, first-line defense of anal engineer panty-wastes, and fecal-throwing wearer of hotpants...and it was good.
'Guano' was of course selected, due to the rank stink that purpetually eeks from his ass (especially if he has consumed more than one cup of coffee, a Krispy Kreme or anything dairy-related) and Guantanamo, because of his stint in the military as a male 'fluffer'.
There you have it...more useless information than you ever cared to know...until next time...
I am Danzig, and I have smelt Howton's colon and found it to be a terrible thing.
ehowton
ehowton at 2006-08-30 14:50 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you for kind words...I think.
CeltManX, Devlin O' Coileáin
celtmanx at 2006-08-30 18:32 (UTC) (Link)
Yes, yes, I too can testify that Howton is one sick BASTARD emitting dangerous fumes!!!

I do know his middle name by the way.

It is Gaylord!!!

His mom and dad didn't realize how useful his middle name would be when he became a male fluffer.
Renegade
leonardii at 2006-09-02 05:35 (UTC) (Link)
Oh how lovely! For his clever, astute, innovative and polite behavior, maybe his middle name should be "Gentleman." Or we could go the other way and call him "Gross."

Alas, we all know he just calls himself "Gorgeous!" ;)
ehowton
ehowton at 2006-09-02 06:37 (UTC) (Link)
Yeah - I don't know why all my online tests peg me as a narcissist!
irulan_amy at 2006-08-30 14:38 (UTC) (Link)
LOL! Perfect, just perfect. :D
ehowton
ehowton at 2006-08-30 14:45 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you. Poor new guy - he didn't even see it coming!
Previous Entry  Next Entry