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Eric

drax0r

Posted on 2006.10.01 at 16:35
Current Location: 63114
Current Music: Ninth Gate [DVD-rip] 'score'
Now that drax0r is 29, I found a list of things no 30-year-old should ever do. Since he's guilty of most of these, I felt obliged to give him a 12-month head start:


59 Things NO ONE over the age of 30 should ever do:

1. Coin his own nickname.

2. Use a wallet that is fastened with Velcro.

3. Rank his friends in order of best, second best, and so on.

4. Hacky sack.

5. Name his "unit" his name plus junior.

6. Hang art with tape.

7. Hang The Scream, unless he stole it from the Munch museum in Oslo.

8. Ask a policeman, "You ever shoot anybody with that thing?"

9. Ask a woman, "Hey, you got a license for that ass?"

10. Skip.

11. Take a camera to a nude beach.

12. Let his father do his taxes.

13. Tap on the glass.

14. Shout out a response to "Are you ready to rock?"

15. Use the word collated on his resume.

16. Hold a weekly house meeting with roommates.

17. Name pets after Middle Earth characters.

18. Jokingly flash gang signs while posing for wedding photos.

19. Give shout-outs.

20. Use numbers in place of words or locations, such as "the 411" for information, or "the 313" for Detroit.

21. Hug amusement-park characters.

22. Wear Disney-themed neckties.

23. Wake up to a "morning zoo."

24. Compare the trajectory of his life with those of the characters in Billy Joel's "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant."

25. Request extra sprinkles.

26. Air drum.

27. Choose 69 as his jersey number.

28. Eat Oreo cookies in stages.

29. Volunteer to be a magician's assistant.

30. Sleep on a bare mattress.

31. End a conversation with "later skater."

32. Hold his lighter up at a concert.

33. Publicly greet friends by shouting, "What's up, you whore?"

34. Wear Converse All Stars with a tuxedo.

35. Propose via stadium Jumbotron.

36. Decide anything based on the ruminations of Howard Stern.

37. Call "shotgun" before getting in a car.

38. Dispute someone else's call of "shotgun."

39. Whine.

40. Mist up during Aerosmith's "Dream On."

41. Purchase fireworks.

42. Google the word vagina.

43. Ride a pony.

44. Sport an ironic mustache.

45. Hit 13 against a 6.

46. Organize a party bus.

47. Say "two points" every time he throws something in the trash.

48. Buy a novelty postcard in another country of topless women on a beach and write, "Wish you were here" on it.

49. Keg stands.

50. Purchase home-brewing paraphernalia.

51. The John Travolta point-to-the-ceiling-point-to-the-floor dance move; also that one from Pulp Fiction.

52. Put less than ten dollars' worth of gas in the tank.

53. Keep a minuscule amount of marijuana extremely well hidden.

54. Read The Fountainhead.

55. Watch the Pink Floyd laser light show at a planetarium.

56. Refer to his girlfriend's breasts as "the twins."

57. Own a vanity plate.

58. Whippits.

59. Say goodbye to anyone by tapping his chest and even so much as whispering, "Peace Out."

Comments:


drax0r
drax0r at 2006-10-01 22:14 (UTC) (Link)
I think I'm guilty of a couple of those. Damn.

I may have to use the extra year to break myself of referring to Jess's breasts as 'the twins' or doing keg stands.

ehowton
ehowton at 2006-10-02 02:00 (UTC) (Link)
And you really ought to stop riding the ponies.
Penguin Puppetmaster
oxy_irony at 2006-10-01 22:53 (UTC) (Link)
Good God- I'm 16, and I'm guilty of quite a few of those... Of course, that may be the point.

When was his birthday?
ehowton
ehowton at 2006-10-02 01:59 (UTC) (Link)
10 days after mine.
Penguin Puppetmaster
oxy_irony at 2006-10-02 02:24 (UTC) (Link)
Uh... OH, SHOOT! Did I forget to put up a B-day post for you guys?! Damn!

I'll have to get to that tomorrow, sorry. I haven't checked the birthday list lately...
ehowton
ehowton at 2006-10-02 02:30 (UTC) (Link)
No, seriously - you don't have to do that AT ALL. Thanks for the thought though :) Maybe for Tony, yeah, that would be sweet.
Penguin Puppetmaster
oxy_irony at 2006-10-02 02:34 (UTC) (Link)
Are you sure? It's really no trouble, but if you don't want me to, I won't.
galinda822 at 2006-10-02 01:24 (UTC) (Link)
Hmmm, I know for a fact you're quilty of numbers 10, 22 and 59!!! :)
ehowton
ehowton at 2006-10-02 02:00 (UTC) (Link)
I like to skip.
Melanie
vember at 2006-10-02 15:47 (UTC) (Link)
Bah. I plan to keep doing the same shit I wanna do, including and especially several of the things on this list. Not that I wanna fight getting old, but fuck being "responsible" and conforming. Somehow I don't see drax0r going out of his way to placate the masses, either.

BTW, what constitutes an ironic mustache?
ehowton
ehowton at 2006-10-02 16:13 (UTC) (Link)
Great question, and although I found a lot of references to it, I could find neither a description, or much past one picture. Apparently, its a mustache that makes you look like an asshole! Who knew? I assume at this point it's some youthful vernacular I wouldn't be familiar with, and I'm quite comfortable with that.

I like to skip.
dentin
dentin at 2006-10-03 01:06 (UTC) (Link)
10, 13, 26, 37, 38, 41, 47, 51.
ehowton
ehowton at 2006-10-03 01:59 (UTC) (Link)
I like to skip.
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