The Empirical Manifesto

Had a new guy start today, and have been having fun with him ever since. He's a new guy, so he's not really going to know how to react, and he's certainly not going to disagree or disapprove of anything I tell him on his first day. I had just returned from a service call out in that seething cesspool of users we keep here and checked my watch. "I'm sorry I'm late." I announced. Everyone looked up. "New guy." I say aloud, "Please join us. Every day at 1300 we have storytime. Today is bigdog_etc's day to start. He so loves telling stories." Everyone gathers around. New guy looks up in anticipation. "Nah, I'm kidding, we really don't have storytime. Everyone get back to work!" Heh. Then later, the Project Manager called to tell him he would start training users on Office 2003 later this week. We were all on a conference call with the FNG in my office. "New guy, front and center!" I commanded. After her spiel I announced, "I gave in last time, this time I'll fight you - he wears the funny hat during training!" He says he thinks he's going to like it here because we're so laid back and have a lot of fun during work.

Last night. Wow. Last night I was on a conference call from the moment I left work until about 45 minutes later. This was in follow-up to an emergency in which I had "volunteered" to drive to KC. Thankfully, that didn't have to happen. Picked up the wife and sole remaining child and off to the Galleria I went. I've got some pretty odd distinctions, and I follow them, as a rule. I find a pair of slacks I like, and I buy six of them. All in the same color. I've had the ones I'm wearing now five years. It was time for new slacks. I shop at Dillard's exclusively, and that's where the problem began. Usually, I walk in, attach myself to a sales person, and have them do my bidding. These salesmen were ineffective at best, and downright hostile other times. "We don't carry the Savane brand, and never have, sir." Bullshit. I bought these at Dillard's. "No department carries six pairs of anything identical." Bullshit. I bought six identical pairs at Dillard's when I bought these. "Dillard's has closed the Hilfiger department." Fsck! When I bought my Savane's 4 years ago they came in two 'finishes' I don't know what you call it. One pair was $19.99, the other was $24.99. The saleslady explained, "The $24.99 is deep-dyed, so it won't fade. You should get those." I told her, "They're light stone colored khaki's. Who would even notice if they faded? I could see getting the deep-dye for the darker colored slacks, but not for these." She looked at my wife, "Is he always this logical?"
"You have no idea." She said.
So I ended up with five pair of Polo's at $70 each (YIKES!) I bought the sole pair in my color/size and had four more shipped to D.C. Pleats, but no cuffs. *sigh* Why can't things just be easy?

By this time I was too tired, it was too late, I got too hungry and ate too much. Then I went to bed way too early and too soon after after eating. So despite my 2130 bedtime, I spent three hours digesting instead of sleeping and was too miserable to rest well.