ehowton (ehowton) wrote,

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My xangian antithesis, The Theologian posted this, an actual letter sent out by the St. Mary's Catholic Church:

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your
child may have gone astray from the Lord.

Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil,darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counseling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

  • Frequently wears black clothing.

  • Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

  • Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish.

  • Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.

  • Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

  • Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

  • Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

  • Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

  • Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

  • Takes drugs.

  • Drinks alcohol.

  • Is suicidal and/or depressed.

  • Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

  • Complains of boredom.

  • Sleeps too excessively or too little.

  • Is excessively awake during the night.

  • Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

  • Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

  • Spends large amounts of time alone.

  • Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil spirits through meditation.)

  • Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

  • Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

  • Misbehaves at school.

  • Misbehaves at home.

  • Eats excessively or too little.

  • Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. (*Remark: it's Count Chocula, not Dracula, idiots.)

  • Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

  • Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

  • Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

  • Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

  • Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

  • Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

  • Expresses an interest in sex.

  • Masturbates

  • Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

  • Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

  • Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

  • Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

Now the implications of half of those things being chalked up to teen angst or adolescent rebellion notwithstanding (I can guarantee, for example, no Marilyn Manson will ever enter my house) I have begun assessing these sorts of events by use of the following tool -

  1. I would never bang a Goth chick, unless she was really hot.

  2. I would never let my daughter dress Goth.

I find that makes my life so much easier if I address all the really tough questions in this manner.

Which reminds me, I've been having difficulty understanding the point of view of people who wear a bunch of crap in their face demanding that I don't 'judge them' and I've come to this conclusion all on my own.


It seems to me, that through these 'expressions' if you must, that the goal is to be judged. I mean, why else do it. Basically, you're screaming "LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!" Mind you, I may not judge you the way you wish to be judged, but I suppose that's the chance you take. And just in case you get angry at me for judging you, I offer you this, Don't judge me for judging you. How do you like me now?

As usual, there could be something I'm missing here, so feedback is most welcome. Basically, I applied the same principals as above:

  1. I would never bang a chick with a bunch of shit in her face, unless she was really hot.

  2. I would not let my daughter wear a bunch of shit in her face.

Tags: angst, goth, logic, musings, philosophy
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